A
female
age
30-35,
*eacelovecandy
writes:Where do I start..? This is mostly a rant. My parents divorced when I was one because my dad had and STILL HAS serious gambling issues. My dad isn't mean to me, he's really cool and since I was young and spent every other weekend with him he always bought me nice toys and let me eat snacks and stuff that my mom wouldn't let me have. That was when I was about five. I'm seventeen now, and I'm getting so sick of his antics. Recently, my pop (his side) passed away and since then, the whole side of that family has been acting like psychotic freaks. His sister (my "aunt") constantly tells everyone that she despises me, yet I've done NOTHING to her and I've always looked up to her. She took over my popop's beautiful river-side home, and destroyed it. Literally. She smashed the wood floors and wrecked the water and piping systems. She ripped the walls apart, and broke off cabinet doors. She's evil, and that's all I can really say because I dislike her so much. My dad has never really "taken care" of me. He picked me up every other weekend until I was about eight. I saw him MAYBE once a year after that. He's never there for me, and he never really was. He would skip paying child support, which my mom and I desperately needed to pay our bills. We're so poor, and he gets a pension check every month, yet ONLY pays for my child support. I don't have dental, health, or any kind of insurance. I have so many cavities I can't count them. I had to get a tooth extracted two months ago because I got such a terrible cavity, and that costed us almost $400. It makes me absolutely sick. What is really ticking me off is the fact that I've been driving for months now. I get my license in June, and he PROMISED (mind you, he doesn't keep ANY promise he's ever made to me) to buy me a car as a late birthday/Christmas present seeing as he's MISSED every birthday since I was young. I got excited once he said he'd pay for my insurance after getting me a car. We can't afford insurance for my car, as it'd be around $100. I've been looking for a job every single day - it's hard because I'd have to walk and the places close to me aren't deciding to hire. If I worked and got the money, I'd be working to drive. By the way, my dad is (this is embarrassing) living with my aunt and uncle of his side who DON'T actually hate me, because the rest of his side does for who knows what reason. Okay, he isn't living in their house. He lives in a book mobile on their property. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's tinier than a trailer. It's used to transport shelves of books and show them. It doesn't have a bathroom, kitchen, or any of that. It's just one room. Now, my aunt called my mom. They talk constantly. She's already thinking of divorcing my uncle because they're all so stressed out over my dad ruining their lives. I don't hate my dad, but he's a nuisance. Anyway, she called my mom and told her that he bought my brother a couple-thousand dollar car. This is where I got super ticked off. I'm only seventeen - my brother is in his thirties and my dad has bought him plenty of cars. I'm JUST BEGINNING to drive and he can't buy me a CHEAP car!? I want a Mini Cooper, I could find a decent one for about 5k. My brother wanted a big expensive truck. UGH! I'm just so irked I can't even finish this. Thanks for reading my rant - my life sucks! So how do I improve my life?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like your dad has done anything 'to' you, instead you are just very disappointed in him for not being more than he is. things could be worse - if you had no dad at all like if he had died when you were young instead of divorcing then you and your mom wouldn't be getting even the sporadic child support.
And as for wanting him to buy you a car - hey you are not entitled to be given a car by anyone, if you want a car you work to earn the money for it, on your own.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Hi peacelovecandy,
I know it's difficult to survive in this kind of environment, when the adults are constantly fighting, they are suppose to give you an example and guide you through out life, yet they are the ones dragging you down. Just remember that many successful people came from similar situation, and today they are happy and successful living life the fullest. Good thing is that you are a smart girl and still very young. You still have the chance to make in life, something that your parents and family will never be able to do, because all they do is fight and blame each other for their problems. It's actually sad that your 30 year old brother needs your dads help to buy 2k used car... You shouldn't get mad, you should feel sorry for your brother and make sure that you don't want to be like him when you are 30's. You are in a very critical stage in your life... The decisions you make now can decide your future. Don't let negativity take over your bodyband soul. Be strong, positive, look at life in a bigger picture and promise yourself that you won't let the same thing that happened to your family happens to you... See them as an example that you will not be like them. Don't let anything or anybody drag you down..... Have hope, be strong, positive, work hard and I am sure you can make it in life.... Many people do, why can't you? Concentrate in your life, do not pay attention to your family and what they have to say... I know it's unfair when some of your family members accuse you of things that you haven't done wrong. So what??? So what if you have to take the bus, walk, I know that if you work hard, life will pay you back.... I hope you can continue your studies. Right now you are in your family vicious cycle, you need to get out... Please, be strong and promise yourself that you won't live life like your family do... It's too late for your parents, family, brother, but it's not too late for you. You still have a change!!!!
Good luck/best wishes
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 February 2012):
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, I can understand it must be hard. However, over the years your father has proved himself not to be a stable and dependable man, so you must stop allowing him to get your hopes up, only to disappoint you again later.
The only consistence he has shown is in letting you down again and again, so learn from that and don't fall for his sweet talking again. He obviously isn't very successful at managing his own life. I know that's not fair, but that's just how it is unfortunately. The sooner you accept it, the better.
As for the car, I didn't get one until I was 22 and I got my driver's license at 20 because I couldn't afford it any earlier (getting a driver's license where I come from--which isn't the US-- costs at least $1500). My first car was a haggard one I paid roughly $800 for. You don't need a $5000 car to start out with, if you call that cheap I wonder if you really are as poor as you say you are, or if your family has been spending too much on expensive stuff. You can get secondhand cars for a good price, just make sure you take your time selecting one and take someone with you who knows his shit so you won't get scammed.
I cycled a lot when I was your age. It wasn't uncommon to cycle 50km a day, which made it possible for me to travel to the towns that did offer jobs. It's a cheap way of getting around and a great workout at the same time. A good alternative while you save to afford a car.
Another thing: nothing feels as great as buying your own stuff with your own money. That's the real mark of independence. Also, get your priorities straightened out. The few thousand you want to spend on a car you could also invest in your teeth, which will have to last you for an entire lifetime.
Your life will get better once you get a better attitude. You'll get through this!
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