| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi I am a girl who needs help to figure things out for herself.I am not sure if I am gay or bi, can you give me your opinion on how it sounds?Sexually I am attracted more to women and I find the sex better with women. I find people of both sexes attracted (as in nice looking and I could kiss them, but not necessarily have sex).Intellectually I am attracted to both men and women.Emotionally I am attracted to both men and women, but any relation with a man has proven emotionally totally unsatisfying and has left me hurt, whilst emotional connections with women are more satisfying (I have little experience though).I consider a good emotional connection the main prerequisite for a relationship and I have not managed to achieve it with a man.I find the idea of some aspects of heterosexual sex a bit repugnant (procreation, ejaculate etc.)but would be willing to endure it if other aspects of sex were pleasant with that person.Given this though, I am still attracted to some men looks and enjoy their company,but then when it comes to actual relationship or sex it is enjoyable but it never gives me a proper spark and sometimes I wish I was in bed with a girl.So am I bi or gay...?I find this occasional attraction to men confusing as I see myself in a relationship with a woman.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask The Leprechaun  +, writes (10 June 2009):
 I feel exactly, EXACTLY the same way. but yesterday I saw a film called lost and delirious, and I realised it doesn't really matter.
PAULIE: Lesbian!? You think I'm a Lesbian?!
MARY: Well you're a girl in love with a girl aren't you?
PAULIE: No, I'm Paulie in love with Tori.
I think my problem with labeling myself is an etymological one. Sometimes I just don't like the WORD lesbian, not because of what it means, because of the way it sounds, feels on my tongue, etc. But then again, sometimes I like it, and want to call myself lesbian because it sounds right. wierd but true.
Well, you KNOW you are at least bi. So that means you are already a lesbian in the eyes of some people. But in my opinion sexual orientation and sexual preference are two different things.
I think you can be both bi and and gay. If someone asked me my orientation, I'd say I was Bi because I am attracted to both men and women. If someone asked me my sexual preference I'd say I was a lesbian because I deffinately prefer women.
So maybe you are both Bi and gay simultaneously.
And then there is pansexual. Attracted to people without gender ever being a factor. maybe that makes more sense for you.
A
female
reader, MonicaC  +, writes (10 June 2009):
 Tough question. I think it's hard to make a hard-and-fast decision about what your preferences are until you've really met and fallen in love with someone...of whatever gender. Sex is sex and love is love. Love someone first and you will know if you are gay or bi. That's my advice.Sex can be enjoyable with both men and women for different reasons. Be open-minded until you find the right person for you.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (10 June 2009):
 hun you say you prefer the sex with girls and you are attracted more to women.i think in some ways you've answered your own question :)just a little curious as to what people thought.but if you read back i think you'll find you made the decision without realising :)Hope this helps hun.x x x x x x x
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A
female
reader, yourhandholdingmine +, writes (10 June 2009):
 this is exactly how i felt a year ago. EXACTLY LIKE YOURS. welcome to the lesbian club :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I am the person who asked the question...I don't need to label myself but if I can only be happy with a woman then there is no reason to follow attraction to guys, because I will be wasting my time. It has more to do with what I should focus on.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (10 June 2009):
 Bi with more lesbian tendencies. But why label yourself, why not do what ever makes you happy with who ever makes you happy.
It's 2009 we really don't need to pin labels on everything. We are all human, and all have sexual needs. By labelling yourself is actually going against all the fighting for equality and diversity!
Just enjoy yourself and stay safe!
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