A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:While sneaking through my boyfriend of 3 months phone, I found a email to his ex-wife stating that I am nothing to him, should I confront him??
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ex-wife, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (22 October 2010):
 My concerns are that you are calling this man your boyfriend after only knowing him for three months and you are in your late 40's? If you are spending 24/7 with this guy this soon ESPECIALLY after his divorce, it is not because he is just that into you, it is indicitive of a possible underlying pathology, you are being used and now you are being abused....as you see it in black and white what he really thinks and feels about you.
The guy is more than a jerk, he's manipulitive and a liar.
Get out now.
And by the way, at your age the time to be a girlfriend has passed. You are taking yourself off the dating market for a guy who gives you a job description title of girlfriend which means to him that he is simply dating you and getting regular sex.
What do you want? If it is a life happily ever after with the one, then do not give your life and your heart away to a man who hasn't stepped up and claimed you as the ONE he wants to be with for the rest of his life, has gotten down on one knee, given you a ring and most importantly is setting a date. Until then you are a single, unmarried woman and your heart belongs to you and to you alone.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (22 October 2010):
 If you confront him it will do some serious damage to your relationship. The question is... how strong was your relationship in the first place since you felt the need to snoop through his phone. You must have had some doubts already.
Again, if you bring it up to him you will just look like the bad guy for snooping. How would you react if he was snooping through your phone? Now, regarding what you found in the phone.... you have a right to be upset and I don't blame you for that. But as the others have pointed out, 3 months isn't THAT long to be in a relationship. And you don't know all of the details. Is there a chance his ex wife is in a position to make his life very difficult? What if his ex gets angry whenever he starts dating someone new? Maybe that is his way of trying to keep her off of his back?
All I'm saying is that there are many possibilities as to why he sent that email. You snooping shows that you are insecure, either due to a lack of self confidence or to him making you insecure due to past actions. I don't suggest bringing up the email/text. Instead, just try talking to him about his relationship with his ex and maybe have a nice , honest conversation about your relationship.
BTW, if you continue to snoop through his phone then your relationship is as good as over with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): You should definitely confront him...and you did not state how long it has been since he got a divorce?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 October 2010):
At 3 months, to be looking through his phone is a bad thing. But since you found something, I'd imagine that you had your suspicions something was wrong. So snooping this time worked,
Let's be realistic. 3 months into it, and he's there's a text to his ex wife saying you mean nothing to him. That says that you're a rebound, that he still loves his wife and he's trying to get back with her. Not only should you confront him, you should also dump him, because you don't mean a thing to him.
As for snooping, be careful it doesn't become a habit. you found something this time. Next time you might snoop and a guy might not like your lack of trust.
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