A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently did a bad thing and snooped in my fiance's facebook account. I read a message in there that said that he had sex with a girl whilst on a boys weekend away. This happened a week after we met (we'd only been on one date) and we weren't exclusive, yet I still feel a little betrayed and hurt....do I have the right to feel this way? I know that I shouldn't have snooped in his account, and that I was never supposed to find out, but now I have I can't stop thinking about it.....Help??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): definitely not cheating. I dated other people up until my fiancé and I had been together for a few months and really were ready for a relationship together. You can't expect a person to only date you when there's no real commitment there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): Hi everyone, I'd just like to thank u all for your advice, I told my fiancé what I had done and what I found out and we had a good chat about it. I feel so much better and I feel that it has strengthened our relationship. I now vow I will never violate my partners trust again!
Much love x
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A
female
reader, single gal  +, writes (19 April 2010):
he didnt cheat,
but i m more concerned about your snooping. that was wrong and you violated his trust.
i suggest you tell him about the snooping and apologise for it.
if you are insecure about the relationship you should talk to him about it. tell him your fears, dont go around his back. you may ruin a good relationship over insecurities that were not dealt with
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 He feel really bad because he didn't know that he'll marry you and fall in love with you. He was just stupid you need to put this behind and ask him if he has been with someone after you started dating.
Making mistake is human but one week is not that much you just started mb he didn't even call it a relationship.
Please don't be mad at him because he obviously didn't want to betread you.
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 I can understand why you are feeling hurt/betrayed, however it wasnt technically cheating as you two weren't exclusive and he didnt even know you very well. for him to have kept it on his facebook for this long he obviously doesnt see it as a big problem or something he needs to hide or else he would have deleted the message!!
but the fact you went snooping suggests you are feeling slightly insecure, so maybe you could approach him with those feelings, rather than tell him you've been snooping. im sure after a nice hug and some reassuring words you will feel better :) good luck
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Something happened in the past and it is best to leave them there and move on.
It was unfortunate that you found out about it and you should not let it influenced your opinions of him.
At that time , you were only friends and it cannot be considered cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): Thanks you've helped me out this in perspective, believe me, I will never snoop again!
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A
female
reader, Nellyy  +, writes (19 April 2010):
You did not do the wrong thing, remember that. If your going to marry this guy, you need to know EVERYTHING! What type of guy he is and other things. Don't feel that way because he probably would have went through yours to. If he loves you, he shouldn't be afraid to show you his facebook, there shouldn't be anything to hide. Of course you should have felt betrayed, why would he need to have sex with someone else when he has you, or he could have at least told you about it. You need to tell him about, if he gets mad, then that shows you the type of guy he is, and he probably has more things he's hiding. I hope you the best of luck. Hope it goes well.
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A
female
reader, catcatcat  +, writes (19 April 2010):
Clearly it was a mistake to snoop,, but its even more of a mistake to ave slept with someone else. But to be honest, the fact that you weren't exclusive makes it much less of a mistake,, i might not even consider it cheating. You said you , he wasnt "Exclusive" i.e not commited to you fully on ur own since nothing official had been declared.
But what I would do is sit down and talk about it. First, confess your mistake and clearly apologise and assure him it will not happen again. Then tell him about what you found out. Please be gentle,, if you explode so will he - both of you are in the wrong here, so a clash wont get neither of you any where. You'll both be pointing fingers at each others mistakes and not making a point.
You should be aiming to be more trustworthy and hopefully this experience will make you two grow closer and be sensitive to the trust issue.
I think something like this is common, and it could have been waaaaaay more worse :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Try and get over it. It was your own fault for snooping and you do not have any right to be upset by this. Just be happy knowing that he played the field, and still you were better than any of the other women. He chose YOU.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (19 April 2010):
 roflcopter
This is not cheating...
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 I don't think this is cheating where you were not together and had been on one date. Forgot about it and trust him.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): Honey relax! You weren't exclusive and it was clearly a one night thing. Plus, you who didn't give in right away, ended up winning over his heart! Something more than his penis! You were obviously something more for him to pursue than the many countless nights of sex he could of had! But he didn't!
If it bothers you greatly- confront him for more reassurance. Be sure to let him know you really have no reason to be too upset but it still slightly bothers you. He should understand, but the reassurances needs to come from his mouth- not ours. =)
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A
female
reader, Isa123 +, writes (19 April 2010):
 First off, why did you snoop?There must have been something in your heart or in your gut telling you that he is hiding something. And the feeling was strong enough for you to snoop around.Tell me, how has he been acting? Did he lead you to snoop around? The bottom line is: this relationship is in the thin line of trust because of what he did and you snooping. If I were you, I'd confront to him about this. No use hiding it anymore if you found out. Seriously talk this out. He could be hiding more.Good luck to you sweetie.
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