A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I'm in a very confusing situation with my bestfriend. We have been really good friends for about three years. In the beginning of our friendship he liked me and I liked him but he had a girlfriend and we didn't tell eachother about our feelings. So nothing happened but his girlfriend was always jealous of our friendship and always caused us problems. The next year of our friendship was complicated due to his gf and we ended up not talking for the whole summer. When it was time for school to start up again he started talking to me and i found out he wasn't with his girlfriend anymore but he had a new girlfriend. She enede up not likng me either. He broke up with her after about a month and me and him started building our friendship back. He had a couple of girlfriends after that ut none of them long lasting. I realized though that I am starting to like him again... Me and him have been talking alot more lately and hanging out with our friends together, just spending alot of time together. And then everything got more confusing. People used to ask us if we were going out or whatever but that question has recently changed into have you have we had sex. Me and him both noticed the change and we talked about it. The, he asked me if i would ever have sex with him. I can understand that maybe he was just curious but why would he keep asking different questions about it? I told him that I would... I'm a teenager and have been thinking about sex lately and i don't know, i would try it with him. We talked about oral sex too. The thing is he is not a virgin and I am. The amount of times he has had sex bothers me but, i still would have sex with him, he's my bestfriend and i think it wouldn't be so uncomfortable. The weird thing about all of these seual discussions we have been having lately is that they are all hyptothetical. Like "if we were to have sex" and stuff like that. But he talks about it alot, does he relly want to have se with me or is he just generally curious? Also, does he like me or is he just a guy who wants to has sex? Would us having sex ruin our friendship? Many questions, please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Why would you want to throw away your first time, which is supposed to be romantic and memorable and special, with some guy who not only is not in love with you but is not even so physically attracted to you ? Sorry if it sounds harsh, but - he is not. He never thought of going out with you all this time even when he was single. Moreover if he had felt at least a good chemistry between you, you would have seen none of these long,hypothetical convos about "What if " and What could possibly happen if " He would simply have made his move. No male his age is ever worried about ruining a friendship because of sex- if he he wants you, he will act first and think later.
My advice is : save your first time ,if not for the love of your life,at least for someone who makes you feel really desired and appreciated.
A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Well...
Sex with your friend may not necessarily ruin your friendship - but why risk it? It will definitely change the landscape of your friendship. Sex isn't just some casual handshake - there are strong emotions and feeling tied into sex. This is why I strongly urge abstinence or virginity until marriage.
So why risk it? If he's THAT great of a friend, keep it that way. I can count on one hand how many good friends I have, and I still have fingers left! Losing something so valuable as a great friendship just for the experience of sexual pleasure is too much to lose. Retain the great friendship that (could) last a lifetime instead of creating tension and uncertainty between you two for one night of pleasure.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (19 April 2010):
 okay I'm in a VERY similar situation as you. For one, I'm sleeping with my best friend. However, I'm not a virgin and neither is he and we both weren't when we started.There was some unspoken attraction between the two of us for awhile and one drunk night he kissed me and then it led to us having sex. We kept on having sex. However, we haven't in awhile and I'm worried I lost my friendship with him. He was my best guy friend.So my advice to you, don't sleep with him. Besides that your first time should be with someone you are in love with and that guy is in love with you. I wish I had listened when someone told me that before my first time. But sex does change your friendship, thats a fact. my friendship with my bestfriend is changed.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Yes, yes, yes. If you have sex with a guy who is just your friend, it will ruin the friendship. If you want to have sex with him and you like him, you should take your relationship to the next level and try dating. Honey, you'll be devastated if you develop feelings for him, and all he wants to do is have sex - nothing more. You'll feel really icky about yourself and you, and he'll just see you as someone who he can have sex with and good friendly times - not someone who he has a commitment to.
I'm sure he does want to have sex with you. He's a guy. Most guys are dying to have sex with any chick who is interested. And he may like you, but you need to present yourself with class. Don't just give it to him, because then there's no reason for him to make effort with you, romance you, date you, get exclusive. First become exclusive, make sure that he's sticking around for YOU and not just the sex, and then you can do as you please.
Also, GET CHECKED. Go to the doctor, and you can talk about birth control and he can get tested. Any guy who isn't willing to do that for you really is only interested in one thing - and it ain't your well-being.
Always be safe, be careful and be classy. Good luck, sweetness!!
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