A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help, I met this guy via a dating app. He's 40. We met once and slept at the second date. We both liked each other but I'm new to this and newly divorced and he's very seasoned. I clearly seemed to eager and after he didn't reply to 3 of my texts this Tuesday, I deleted his number in despair.I really want to stay connected; am smitten to say the least. I have his linked in and work number. What should I do, wait for him hoping he may text some day? Message via linked in; call at work? Move on? Wait for a while then message? Send flowers to his home? Am working on a project and I know I can use his help because he's been 20 years in the field that ive been for 2; so call at work as a formal request? I think I'm in love with him and I think he at least deserves to know but all the same I don't want to blow any chances that may still be there.. Please help!
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at work, divorce, flowers, move on, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2015): Hi please please DONT contact him again...from what you relay he is clearly sorting he had backed off. Absolutely no sending flowers! Where did that even come from! You are aware that you are newvto this and newly divorced- you arent in love with him hun- your heart is newly exposed to romance and new relationship stuff for the first time in a long time. Have some fun with this! This guy isn't for you, or he's definitely not for where you are at....when I broke up with a long term relationship I had loads of dates- lovely meals with lovely company...none of which turned into anything long term, b u think great fun.I eventually meet one that I want to see more of, and we r together now.You shouldn't be looking for long term now as newly divorced etc. Date a bit! Good luck x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 August 2015):
 I'm afraid he isn't into you as much as you are into him. He did the "test-drive" and lost interest. OR this guys is dating MULTIPLE women and have found one of the others to be more "challenging" or a better fit.
Though I suspect your 3 texts that went unanswered were the kind that made him think... "I'm backing away from this one".
Slow down with the "progression" from meeting/talking to having sex... I mean sex on the second date is perhaps pushing it a bit too fast. Though it MAY not have mattered with this guy. If he was/is on dating sites to get some casual sex... you would have wasted your time on him anyways.
I agree with GET to know the other person, spend time with them IN person, and not talking sex here, but going out to dinners, museums, walk in the beach, picnic in the park, hiking trails... whatever you two share in common or simply think could be a fun way to bond. THAT way you WEED out guys who ARE just looking for a roll in the hay.
Chalk this one up to a dud and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015): Wait to hear from him. The ball is in his court. Perhaps you have looked a bit too keen too early and it has frightened him off. Don't contact him although you are very tempted to find an excuse to. Certainly do not tell him you may be in love with him if he does make contact. Slow things down and be more careful about getting in deep too soon in future, so you don't get hurt with his man or any one else
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. All I can say is it is so hard. Under normal circumstances, You would have sent a few more texts and I am actually very happy that I deleted the number.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 August 2015):
 Next time get to know him a whole lot more before sleeping with him. Sex will not bring a relationship.
Building up rapport is what draws a man in emotionally.
You need an emotional connection for there to be a relationship.
If a guy baulks at being refused sex then you will know that sex is all he is after.
If a man is still interested in developing a relationship after you refused early sex then he is interested.
Two of my friends related how their partners behaved in the face of an initial refusal.
One girl told him, "no, don't waste my time. If you are only interested in a hook up I am not the girl for you. come back and see me when you are serious about a relationship." That girl is now married and they have a child and are happy.
The other girl, after a pleasant talk to a nice guy on a long flight then snapped at him when he propositioned her towards the end of the flight. She turned to him and said, "no, I am not interested. I only want to date men who are serious about forming a relationship" After a rocky start he knew he had no chance unless he wooed her slowly. They are now engaged.
My second husband had to endure a year of me meeting him for lunch as initially I was uncertain about how serious he was and I wanted to get to know him as a friend, before I committed to him. It was a good strategy and we became stronger together as a result.
Fast hook-ups get you no where. Then the men move on fast, until they finally wise up.
You may lost a few alligators on the way, but who wants an alligator snapping all the time? I'd rather have a kind and patient man than a fast and furious alligator.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 August 2015):
 I guess being seasoned means that if you don't hear from your date again, you shrug it off and move on to the next one. You would also not fall in love until you know that person is serious and the contact is consistent. You fell in love because your body released hormones that bonded you to him. As far as the person he is, you don't really know much. He doesn't deserve to know that you fell in love. You didn't do anything to blow off chances. Revealing your feelings does not blow any chances if the guy is right for you. Don't wait for him even if he texts you back, because you want more than just a booty call here and there. Don't use work project as an excuse to contact him. He didn't reply to the texts because he lost interest and was trying to avoid you. Wanting love is not a mistake, or a burden to a man's life. He probably saw you are too green in dating, very vulnerable and didn't want to hurt you in the future. Open your eyes because you think it's a dating app but only a small percentage of men on there want something serious.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (2 August 2015):
 Your neediness is what is putting him off. He's already had sex with you and is not calling you back. Move on dear.
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