Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 No, hon, I wouldn't tell him. And what you did was understandable. You had filed for divorce, and it was perfectly reasonable for you to look for support. You'll more than have your hands full trying to make a relationship work with your husband without carrying around a guilt trip. So forgive yourself and get on with life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Thanks for updating us.If u withhold the fact that u slept with someone else, this will be the marriage breaker. You are setting so much of criteria to adhere to but what about honesty from your side. You basically are controlling him now ( I do not blame u for setting the boundaries but u need to also learn to be honest.You can either listen to a bunch of strangers ( the aunts here mean well but ......) Telling u that you owe your hb no explanations or u can use your own head and think clearly and do the right thing. You know what u need to do, we have just made it easier to tell u to lie. Whatever u decide it is up to u but plse know this: if u truly want a second chance in this marriage u cannot start it off with lies. Then don't even bother going back to him. If you lie then how can he trust u? You know if he had sex with anyone else U will want to know. Whether we deserve to know is not the issue. We as human beings Want/need to know.it is as simple as that. So start off your marriage on a clean slate after all you have this list for him to adhere to. Why us trust and honesty not part of your list?Don't think u can hide the sex thing for too long from him. Trust me He WILL find out, and then what? Just think about what I am sayingLoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Thanks to everyone for your conern. I guess I am just wondering if I was in the wrong in my actions given the situation or if I even need to tell him. I am very conflicted on this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Thanks to everyone for your conern. I guess I am just wondering if I was in the wrong in my actions given the situation or if I even need to tell him. I am very conflicted on this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Thank u everyone for your concern. I really know people don't agree and I am fully aware of the reality of the situation. I do want this to work out and I am just tryig to be causious about it. I have informed him I will no longer take any inapropriate behavior with women. He would have to get personal help and anger management as well as s be in councelling. I told him since I am now living with family he has to ask for a reassignment out here and live separate I would not move or live with him for a long time. I also would not accept any drinking he did not drink when we got married and he clearly acts different when he does. Not even one beer. And absolutely no going out to bars or clubs like he had been doing with me not there. I dont know if I should even tell him about what I did I don't feel I really owe him that but we were still married. I do see change and I see a small tiny window where if thus is done properly it could work out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Seems you are prepared to give him another chance. But let this be the last time, no more chances. My parents went through many years of this sort of thing until my mother finally left for good when I was a teenager, but the emotion toll was enormous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Thank u everyone for your concern. I really know people don't agree and I am fully aware of the reality of the situation. I do want this to work out and I am just tryig to be causious about it. I have informed him I will no longer take any inapropriate behavior with women. He would have to get personal help and anger management as well as s be in councelling. I told him since I am now living with family he has to ask for a reassignment out here and live separate I would not move or live with him for a long time. I also would not accept any drinking he did not drink when we got married and he clearly acts different when he does. Not even one beer. And absolutely no going out to bars or clubs like he had been doing with me not there. I dont know if I should even tell him about what I did I don't feel I really owe him that but we were still married. I do see change and I see a small tiny window where if thus is done properly it could work out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): I can't understand why you would want him back. But it sounds as if you are drawn to giving him another chance. Oh dear I fear you are going to be hurt again. What is different now apart from his desire to have another try at the marriage. Only you can decide if you are going to put yourself through this again. Think very carefully.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 He sounds manipulative and you do not need that sort of venom coursing through your life. He will draw you in only to tear you apart once more. Please, for your sake, leave him and ignore his apologies. What he did was an act of cowardice and you had all the right in the world to sleep with whomever you wanted to sleep with.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): We were married we have never been divorced I just was pretty much forced into filling. I love my husband and the way he acted has been pretty horribly I understand. I really want it to work he has always been very good father before this. No he has never hit me or anything like that. But I alwas wanted it to work out I had just given up on it doing so when I slept with someone I just don't know what to do. He seems to now be apologizing genuinely and taking responsibility for his actions for the first time well ever
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): please for the love of all this is sane, and healthy... whatever you do.... DO NOT EVER GET BACK TOGETHER WITH THIS MAN.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 you werent married when you had sex with another man, but for the life of me I cannot understand why you are considering taking yourself and your kids back to that man.
What has your ex husband done to show that he is changed? What makes you think he is not going to treat you and your children so cruelly again? A man that would abandon his children like that .... I would not be giving him the chance to cause them more hardship and heartache.
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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: