A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK, this is quite a long story, but around 3 months ago I started sleeping with my mates boyfriend. Yes, I know this is wrong but I craved the attention I got from him. Obviously, my mate (and none of our mutual friends know about it).However, through this, I started hanging out with his best friend quite a lot and several people commented that we seemed to get on as more than just friends. Then a few weeks ago we slept together. It was amazing - I think because there were emotions involved. The problem is, that he knows about me and his friend so said it couldn't happen again because he couldn't do that to his mate. However, last night, it happened again. I can seriously imagine a relationship with him and I haven't felt this strongly about anyone for ages. But he said we can't go public with it because of what's happened in the past with his mate. To top it off, my friend (his friends girlfriend) quite fancies him and probably wouldn't ever talk to me again if she knew about what was going on.I had hoped that this relationship would be different and I wouldn't have to lie anymore but that doesn't seem to be the case. Is there any chance that he is serious about me, and would it ever work if we were to go public with it? To clarify, I haven't slept with his friend since all this started because I feel so strongly about him. What do I need to do to make this work?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): I don't think you have to worry about anyone on here judging you but I do think you have to realize he will judge what you've done and the result is that he won't see you in a serious light. Guys are very judgmental, right or wrong, about a girl's sexual history and behaviors. While they will have no problem having sex with you, they won't see it as anything more than that and I'm afraid that's how he sees you. He'll find a girlfriend that hasn't slept with his friends. You have a lot to learn about how guys think! You can't make this work because he's already decided it won't.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets themselves into this kind of mess. Although never with a friends boyfriend. Ignore all the judgemental people, we all make mistakes and you know what you did was wrong. I'm afraid I don't like your chances on this one. His mate knows what you did and probably doesn't respect you very much for it and probably fully respects his mate, guys are hypercritical like that. If you really like him, tell him how you feel and say you want your relationship out in the open. If he says no, I'd end it. Otherwise how can you be sure he's not just using you, just like his mate did.I don't know what you can do about your friend though, if he's cheated on her with you he's probably likely to do it again. How good a friend is she? I'd want to know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): end it with him and hope your mate forgives you but i wouldn't hold out much hope you went the lowest of the low here i mean having sex wi him once is bad but having an affair is jst plain evil on your matee and idk just get away from that group and find someone who you love and respect enough to stay faithful
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (4 April 2009):
 I don't think there is any chance he will be serious with you. Guys do not like slutty girls except to use them for sex, he will have no respect for you and will not will not want to date a serial cheater!
You need to take a good look at your personal morals and decide what is more important to you: You having sex with whom ever you fancy or the feelings of your friends.
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A
female
reader, say_anything +, writes (4 April 2009):
 what a fine mess you've got yourself into.
there's clearly no point mentioning the fact you have done a terrible thing to your friend (not that the blame doesn't lie equally with her boyfriend here too), as if you couldn't work that out for yourself there is no point in anyone lecturing you about sensitivity, loyalty, right & wrong etc.
personally, i don't think having multiple sexual partners is a good thing, because this sort of situation can arise where you only realise afterwards what a predicament you've created for yourself.
if i was you, and i really had feelings for this person,, the friend of the boyfriend, i would tell them and see how he felt. your friend's boyfriend that you were sleeping with would not have a leg to stand on if he had an adverse reaction to you dating his friend - he had two girls on the go himself, so i wouldn't let him make you feel bad about this. of course, there is a risk your friend will find out and be upset, but you will have to deal with that if it comes to it. at least you have now stopped sleeping with the boyfriend.
i think you should discuss with this friend the possibility of dating if you have real feelings for him - this could be promising. the boyfriend should not be worried about who you are with, he's supposed to be with your friend!
although, if a relationship is a no-go due to the messiness of the two boys being friends, i think you would have to learn from your mistakes, and not get invovled with other people's lovers in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): #1, stop tarting around #2, dont ever ever let it slip to your friend what u did, u could loose all 3 of them
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