A
female
age
51-59,
*hickyegg
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I am 42, he is 47. He is divorced and has residency of his child aged 15. I have residency of my 2 children aged 6 and 8. We say that we are made for each other and that we are soulmates. We have a very intense physical and emotional relationship and see each other a lot. When we dont see each other we talk on the 'phone a lot e.g. to say goodmorning, goodnight and inbetween! He is very financially secure with a good stable career and a lovely home 25 miles from me. I have a lovely home too but i am a student again and will finish my part time degree in 3 years. I feel it is time we got together properly and live together with a view to getting married; he has said he has no problems with marrying again. We both claim that we want to be together forever but nothing is happening to secure this. I feel that he is getting all the benefits of family life (he spends a lot of time here with me and my children) and lots of sex (we have a great sex life and will usually sleep together when we meet up)but that he isnt prepared to take the step to commitment. The only time we talk about the future is when i bring it up. He says that we will definately talk about it properly later and that I am the one for him; however, he never brings it up again! Sometimes i think he backtracks....he has made a point of saying that on his salary we will all be financially fine but when i tried to talk about us living together he said he was worried that he wouldnt be able to afford it!( This is untrue and i would contribute anyway). He also said that his daughter had told him she couldnt stand it if we all lived together! He has started giving me a couple of hundred pounds a month to help me out financially which seems a bit like out a cop-out for not being with me and i feel uncomfortable with it although it is useful.We havent planned anything, not even holidays, together and he hasnt taken me the 4oo miles to meet his mother; I've mentioned visiting her with him so many times now that i cant be bothered anymore!I'm not looking for a meal ticket nor a father for my children;what i am looking for is a real partner and for him to back up his claims of true love. The visits and the phone calls are not enough anymore. I am also increasingly finding it exhausting juggling college, homework,children,running a home and working p/t with putting the time aside for my boyfriend too. Time-wise he has so much more than me. We are not very young and i think if we know what we want we should go for it. My divorced/separated friends and their partners dont seem to have had any problems with doing this.He is lovely to me; very kind, very loving, very attentive but it's starting to tarnish now that i want more. I really will appreciate mature, sensible advice from both male and female. Thank you xx
View related questions:
divorce, sex life, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickyegg +, writes (4 April 2009):
chickyegg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous,thanks for your comment. I'm not a girl looking for a frilly dress and a sparkly ring...I want a shared life with the man I love, a partner for life and not a boyfriend who is on the edge of my life but never fully in it. Answering your question-yes, I would rather be on my own than in this situation long term...sometimes love just isnt enough, not when your in your 40's anyway!!Thanks for your answer Emilyanswers; your advice looks perfect if I can just find the courage!(I meant to rate you highly but did it wrong and only gave you 1 star!!).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): follow your heart
could you be happy without being married?
do you really need a ring to show your love for someone?
imagine your life without him would you rather have a bf who you love but you aint commited to or no-one?
think about it that way
hope i helped xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 April 2009):
I think you need to set him a clear target.
Just tell him one night out of the blue, perhaps when you are watching a film with a wedding.
"I think I'd like us to be engaged by the end of he summer."
If no ring appears by September then end it. Don't remind him, don't nag. Just wait and leave him to it and then just tell him that you said you wanted him to commit and he didn't so you need to move on.
He may chase after you and realise what he's about to lose, he may not.
But you have to set yourself a deadline, because no matter how perfect a catch he seems to be, if he's all mouth and no trousers then that is not good enough.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
