A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a big problem. I broke up with my girlfriend whilst in switzerland in February this year while we were travelling together. We've been broken up for three months now, but still see eachother regularly and still love eachother...Until this past weekend. Shes not honest with her feelings for me and told me that she is completely over me and doesnt love me anymore. I went out on Saturday night and saw her and she ignored me. She then left without saying goodbye. So I preceded in going home with a girl that likes me and sleeping with her. Bear in mind i still love my ex incredibly much, but i had hit rock bottom because of her telling me she was over me. I told her about what happened and she was devastated. She was about to tell me she still loves me, but now she hates me.Is there any way i can get her to trust me and to love me again? I really love her and don't want it to end like this. She doesnt even want to talk to me now.Heartbroken.
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 There is no way of knowing now if she really was going to say she loves you. Is she possibly only saying this when she realised you had been with someone else. Dont let her play you, you were broken up and you are only human. Give her a bit of space for a week or so and then contact her again to see if there is anything you can salvage but Im not sure if she really wanted you back in the first place x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): You didn't do anything wrong...you had broken up so it's not like you cheated. Sounds like your ex is a bit of a game player...I don;t think you should be crawling back tail between your legs! If you do love her and want to be with her - talk straight, tell her you did what you did but that if you thought for a moment she wanted to be with you you wouldn't have, but that you were a "free agent" at the time. Tell her you still want her - that the ball is in her court...but that you're not prepared to play games. If she wants to take time, work on issues etc - you're fine with that, but if she doesn't see any chance she has to understand that you need to move on and start to get over her. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, Lily Moll  +, writes (21 May 2008):
You two were broken up. From the sounds of it, you weren't together and though you still loved each other, you weren't trying to work things out. Sleeping with other people is one way of getting over someone you care about, and if that's what it takes, great, you're just taking care of yourself. For whatever reasons, you two didn't get back together, despite still loving each other and seeing each other on occasion. But if she told you she doesn't love you anymore and is over you, and you were broken up, then it's obviously not wrong for you to sleep with someone else. The only thing that might be wrong about it is telling her, because since you're not going out, there's no good reason to be "honest" and/or volunteer this kind of information to an ex. It sounds like the both of you were hurting each other by keeping your relationship in limbo, and prolonging the agony. Now you feel bad about it and want to be back with her, but your response to her telling you that she was over you was not to try to regain her love -- it was to try to get over her, by sleeping with someone else. Think about the reasons you did what you did, and what you were feeling at the time, and don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe this is for the best. All you can do is have a heart-to-heart with her, because either both of you have to commit to working it out between you, or it's time to say good-bye, and move on.
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