A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know that every relationship moves at a different pace and you can't put a time limit on love. But I think it is typical of most relationships that after six months you know someone well enough to know whether you love them or not?It's not because he's scared to say it. It's because he doesn't feel it. The relationship is good, and healthy, and better than anything I've been in so far. But there's something missing. He talks about us moving in together next year and definitely speaks like it's a long term prospect. But I don't feel it. I don't feel like he's crazy about me, he tells me I challenge him (in a good way hehe) but apart from that I can think of very few things he's told me he likes about me, or finds endearing. I feel like I have no effect on him, if that makes any sense. He treats me well and the thought of ending things with him kills me, but feeling unloved and unlovable when I know I have a lot to offer kills me too.I have no idea what to do.
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I love you, unloved Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 November 2009):
Those words mean a lot to a guy! We don't like saying them unless we're sure and we feel totally secure. The great news is that his actions show he loves you, which mean more than words. He'll say it. Give him time and meanwhile, enjoy feeling that you're loved.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): It sounds more like you're not feeling him. What you describes sounds like a great guy that treats. You're worried about how you don't feel it with him, do you want him to give you gratuitous praises each time he see's you!I kinda see where you're coming from but no man ask a woman to move in with him that he doesn't care about. You've only been dating six months, and I know people who have been together for four years and only got around to the I love you's two years into their relationship, so if that's truly what you want just give it time. Or just say it first, I mean he's asked you to move in with him, I don't think you saying I love you will catch him off guard. I know a lot of people who have trouble telling people they love them simply because they didn't hear it growing up. And just because they don't say it doesn't mean they don't feel it.
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A
female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (10 November 2009):
It would take more than 6 months for me to tell any man that I loved them, I would say years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I might be a little bit biased, but I don't feel that the problem is me.I do trust what he says to me. I definitely don't have any trouble believing what he tells me. I do trust that he sees me as a long term prospect, but I also know that he doesn't love me and I wonder when that love will develop and worry that even if it doesn't develop he might still continue along the comfortable long term prospect path that he already has in his mind.When I refer to challenging him, I mean more so that he loves debate - and I am able to meet him on that level. I don't mean game playing or squabbling or however it might be interpreted.I have never had this trouble with previous partners. I could still list all the different ways previous partners made me feel loved. Unfortunately other areas in previous relationships were lacking.I know love can be expressed in many ways. I've experienced it expressed from different people in different ways before - and that is how I know that I'm not getting it from him, verbally or otherwise.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 I don't think the problem lies in your guy not saying 'I love you' - love can be expressed in so many others ways like you talk about - but I think the fact that you feel so insecure in this relationship, and so early on too, is the real problem. You should not feel so uncertain about how he sees you/feels - and you shouldn't feel like you can't trust what he does say to you (when you challenge him - even jokingly). There is something going on with you. Have you had these same feelings with previous partners - or were you hurt by someone and now find 'emotions' difficult to trust?
I think you need to talk this through with someone -a therapist -see if you can get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do. Maybe it's this particular guy? Maybe it's something within you - that will effect any relationship if left unexplored?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's told me on a few different occasions that he doesn't love me yet.Not the nicest words to hear, even if you just like that person and don't love them yet either.I haven't said it either because he was also quite clear that he would tell me as soon as he felt it.Knowing that holds me back from saying it. I think saying it would just make me feel worse about the whole situation and put more pressure on it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Did he SAY he doesn't feel it? Have you told him you love him? He might be waiting to hear it from you. He wouldn't be planning to move in with you if he wasn't very fond of you.
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