A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'd been going out with a girl for a little while but we ran into a rough patch. We're both in our mid-30's. We both have said we care for each other and hope to work it out. She was just about to go on vacation for a couple of weeks and we had another disagreement. I called several times but she did not answer. I feel a bit bad for dialing so many times and maybe stressing her out before her time off.I normally would give flowers just because I want to, never for an apology. But this time, I was thinking that just after she comes back it would be nice to send over a nice arrangement.Can I please have some advice on whether now would be a good time to send flowers? Especially from women... what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, the rift was too great, I guess and the flowers were irrelevant :(
I'm a bit hurt that she would not talk and that she was not even interested in the facts of the situation. (I had an email that basically proved my story.)
Still, I can't say I'm resentful. There was a lot going on the past little while and perhaps the hurt was too great for her to continue.
Now... just dealing with the heartbreak.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 November 2009):
 You're welcome. I do understand what you're trying to do, and if she knows you well enough, she should figure it out too. The note would help with explain that.
I hope you get things all sorted out when she comes back. Keep us posted!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Tisha, you seem to get what I want to do. Flowers are nice, but they are no replacement for an honest discussion. I just think it would be nice to come back from vacation to some flowers. Hopefully, that would help lighten the mood a bit for the talking that needs to come next.Thanks to everyone else too!Anyone else have some feedback?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do know she likes flowers, but before I gave them purely as a gift.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 November 2009):
I think your sentiment is good, you're trying to interject a positive note in a negative atmosphere. I think flowers would be okay if you add a note like, "I know we still need to talk - I just want you to know that I'm ready when you are. You are important to me and I want to work things out."
If she's really angry, flowers aren't going to fix the argument, but they would show you are trying to lighten the mood and serious about working on the problem. I don't think this would backfire, I'm trying to look at this from an angry woman's perspective and I think it should be okay.
Of course, you might be dating one of the few women who would find it somehow offensive, but I can't see how that would be in this case. If she's expecting an apology, she may be miffed that she didn't get one on the card. I really doubt that though.
Good luck, I do hope you work things out!
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Hey again, replies are coming in kinda out of order I guess, didnt see your first update.
I still think the email idea is best in this case. I dont want to talk when I am pissed off either but emails are great because the receiver has time to digest and compose their thoughts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe original incident was a misunderstanding. She thought I was seeing my ex, but I was not. I still work with my ex, at least for the next month, so I sometimes have to be with her.So, I was writing a letter to explain the situation... I've asked several people who know the story and they agree I did nothing inappropriate.I don't think flowers are good to apologize for something big. So I was just going to send them for something small--calling her when she didn't want to talk. And hopefully that would help set things on a positive note....but now I'm starting to wonder if I should :-\
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (10 November 2009):
She could just need a break from you. Flowers might not send the right message either. This sounds like a good time to step back and get your head right on what is going on in your relationship. Once you have done that maybe you could send her a well written email that gives an apology for exactly what you need to apologize for (you did not state that by the way).
We all know women love flowers but I don't think they substitute for a genuine interaction.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): I think that you should let her have her space for a few days don't break up with her just call maybe once or twice a day.If she doesn't pick up then leave a short message.But don't seem desperate if shes the girl that is meant to be with you then she will forgive you about the argument and will still love you.If she isn't then she won't forgive you and acts like she doesn't love you anymore for about a week or two it's obvious she just wants attention and that you need to let her go.It's not your fault if she holds a grudge.Don't send the flowers it's to early to send anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way, I was thinking of sending a card apologising for dialling her so many times. I wasn't so much apologising for the original disagreement--that is something we both have to talk about.
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