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male
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*ick
writes: Hi,In February me and my girlfriend split up after 2 years. The split happened whilst we were in university together. We were friends for two years to begin with then we decided to have a relationship and go to the same university because we felt that we couldn't be apart from one another. Throughout the relationship we had silly arguments and we were always together 24/7, practically suffocating each other, but I never thought the relationship would end. We exhausted our time together. In March after the split, I invited a girl back to my room because me and my ex were not speaking for a while and I felt lonely. Me and the girl did not have sex but just talked and kissed. I felt she undersood me.The following morning I told the girl that I still had feelings for my ex and that the night meant nothing. A month later I told my ex girlfriend what I had done because I felt guilty and still love her dearly and have lots of fellings for her. I wanted to be honest. This really upset my ex, and she wouldn't speak to me for a while because she never imagined me to be with anyone else and for me to do something like this. But if we were not together I could not understand why she got annoyed? Post five months we still spend time together and are really good friends, we stay round each others place and go out a lot! I am really besotted with my ex, since the split I have become depressed and upset. I am a little confused because sometimes we will hold hands and the other night we nearly ended up having sex! Plus she told me that once uni finishes in two years time that me and her will begin a relationship again. But I don't know if she is just telling me this. I feel that I may be in false hope! Also I think I may be insecure because if I don't hear from her for one day I start to panic, or if she goes out I get really upset and think all sorts. I have a suspicious mind when my ex goes out with her mates and if she will have a relationship with someone else! I dont think I could cope with that! Since the split, friends of mine had told me that my ex has been kissing other men whilst drunk and I found text messages on her phone from a man that had her number. Nothing came of this and she deleted the texts and his number.She tells me that it meant nothing but I feel that I can't believe that! My ex is constantly on my mind and if she is not with me I feel unhappy. Sometimes I feel that we may get back together, what do you think? Any advice on what I should do? ThanksRick
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female
reader, pinksoftkitten +, writes (12 July 2005):
Your ex girlfriend seems to have all the control over this relationship at the moment. That's not a good place for you or her to be. You are making it so obvious that you would do anything to have her back, and literally hanging onto her every word.This behaviour in men is not at all attractive to women. Some women may find it fun to watch a man fawn over us, knowing we could pull his strings any time we choose, but it wont arouse any passion in us to be with him. Hard though it may be, you need to start thinking about yourself, not your ex, go out, have fun, if you meet a girl, make sure you let her know you aren't looking for anything serious at the moment. That way you wont hurt other women's feelings in the process. Do what makes you happy. I guarantee that when your ex sees you are moving on, and are happy (even if you are not, you act happy until you feel happy), she will be very curious. You will once again become the man she fell in love with and she will stop playing games. It is only when she sees you moving on, with or without her that she will know if she wants to be with you, or if she was just playing with you for fun. She will be more attracted to a strong happy capable man, not one who gives in to her every whim. Be strong, do what makes you happy, and wait for her to chase you. She will!!!
A
female
reader, lulu +, writes (10 July 2005):
As you have not been apart long you are bound to have feelings for one-another. Especially if this relationship was one of you're first serious relationships. I think that you both need to sit down together and explain how you both feel. Eventually it will all be out in the open and you will both know where you stand. As for being jealous of her, you should let her make her own mistakes (although it maybe hard) she will repect you for taking a back seat and it will also give her room to decide what she wants. University is supposed to be fun and carefree, don't let anyhting spoil that!
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reader, becky05 +, writes (10 July 2005):
Make yourself spend time apart from this girl.It sounds to me like she is stringing you along.Your relationship together didnt work out, its still not working out so theres very little hope that it will work out in 2 years when you finish uni.Go out with other people and try to make a clean break from this girl
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