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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am a mother of two. My youngest son is 11, my oldest son is 15.I have a problem which I need your help with and any advice is appreciated as it is really worrying me.My 15-year-old son told me he would love to be clinically obese as that is the only thing that would make him happy.He eats lots of food at home, and has told me he wants to be clinically obese - he will be at his happiest then, he tells me.I also found out he spends all his spare money on food and eating out too.What do you do about a son who says these things about obesity:Obesity is the root of all happiness. Clinically obese people have the best sex lives. If you're not clinically obese, you're not happy. Simple as that. He keeps on repeating this to me every time I discuss obesity with him. What should I do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2005): Uh, just a thought, but your son could well be trying to wind you up deliberately by his inflammatory comments, to get you off his back.You do not mention if he is actually even overweight, I assume he is, but perhaps try a different approach, ie not going on about it. You can set a good example, you can make healthy meals, but at the end of it all, you cannot control what he eats entirelyHe will be an adult soon, and if he wants to overeat, then he will and there will be nothing you can do about it.As a parent, all you can do is offer support and guidance. If you persistently lecture you son, it may well prove counterproductive, and will alienate him from you.Remember that ultimately, the choice is his to make, you can only do so much.Learn to relax a little, perhaps and see what happens.I strongly suspect he is merely trying to exasperate you.Best wishes.
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (10 July 2005):
 Wow, he is uninformed. After getting him and yourself to family counseling, consider this. He may be trying to get to you. Are you overly involved in his life? If you question him or badger him about what he is up to while you are not there, realize that not only is it impossible for you to know but he only is left with two choices. Lie or freak you out...
Other than that he must become controlled and remain as a child.
Is he obese now? If yes, do not allow the TV on and no computer time if he has not been out working in the yard or helping neighbors. No junk food in the house and consider talking to a nutritionist.
It might seem impossible but since the video game revolution, kids prefer fat over thin! They do at my son's school. What they don't realize (particularly for boys) is that fat carries estrogen. This means the penis shrinks and even if it didn't looks smaller comparatively. Also, being out of shape means you can't maintain an erection as well and can't please a woman nearly as well since you won't have the stamina. Also, man boobs are NOT attractive. However, he will not hear this from you.
He seems to need help and I'm afraid you can only do so much. If you do the above and love him even if he is obese, at least you can have a decent relationship while he is still alive. Just force some boundaries as his mother and get him help. The rest is his choice. He will only be here for a certain amount of time we only know after it is too late. Spend your precious time in love not hate. Explore your fears and what your buttons are. What is it about this that worries you most? Image? Health? Control? The childishness? What his immaturity says about you? Spend efforts there and you will likely find peace as well as a new relationship with him.
My brother was over 300 pounds and we were so worried up until he died in a freak car accident at the age of 26. Our fears were misplaced and I KNOW anything can happen and usually not the things you wasted all that time worrying about. Model health to him and refuse to give up your serenity. Love him every chance you get!
Tell him never to assume that when the freeways are empty, others won’t use the middle lane as a parking spot at 2am- for no apparent reason. Not every one wants to keep moving forward. Also, safety first- always wear a seat belt at all times and keep a safe distance so be able to react to those who are ill informed and a threat to your life! I bet you never worried about that- huh?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2005): My son keeps on insisting that obesity is the root of all happiness, and that clinically obese people have the best sex lives.Every time I discuss this with him he just repeats the above.
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female
reader, sickofitkelly +, writes (10 July 2005):
you should take him to see a therapist. i did the exact same thing when I was 14; the only difference is that I was not so "open" about it, and I am female. But I purposely ate and ate and ate to get bigger and bigger. The reason I did it was because I was sexually assaulted and instead of telling an adult, I ate to become unattractive. I wanted to be fat and i didnt want anyone to come near me. Now I will be 25 next month and I have just begun to lose the weight last fall. I was over 360 lbs and I have lost almost 60 so far. I did it because I finally sought therapy and began to care about myself. I also jointed OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and it has been a HUGE help in my fight....dont let it get completely out of control. dont let him kill himself with food. good luck to you and your son....
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reader, becky05 +, writes (10 July 2005):
It really sounds to me that your son needs to see a counsellor asap! Take him to your GP and tell him what the boy is saying. this is not normal. Ask your son to be more in depth with you in his reasons why he thinks what he does about being clinically obese.find out as much as you can about what hes thinking and find out ways to act upon it.
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