A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I haven't spoken in a year (to my teacher) had a bad time with him, I am leaving school in 4 weeks and I somehow want to talk to him and ask why he never spoke back to me when he promised he would never ignore me when he did so harshly.I want to know some answers but I am scared that I will get told off and I don't want this to occur but I have so many questions I would really like to know the answers to but am I best off just leaving it? So many things have been left unsaid and I just don't know what to do.Please help me out here as I don't want to make the wrong decision, he wasn't allowed to talk to me so he stopped, he never cared about me because he told me so many times he would never hurt me or ignore me but he did, he constantly lies and I never believe a word that he says but I just want to get my feelings out there so he knows how much better I am without him but I dont know how to.please help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): In regards to your recent followup: You know, hun...closure is when someone demands that the other person, listen to them. It's something that people want, to finding out "why" a relationship ended. But hun, you know why the relationship ended. He was doing something unethical and he reined himself in, before he lost his job. So talking to him would serve no purpose. You will only embarrass yourself and you will deeply regret it, later. Seriously, you will!
And just to add: I am really, really hoping that this closure you want is not something more insidous, hun and that is: wanting to fix what went wrong and hoping to continue what you both had shared. Don't go there girl. Do not romanticize this teacher and get all swoony...do not look for a way to keep this 'relationship (or whatever it was) going. It's over and he was very wrong to have allowed something to start in the first place.
Accept in your mind--it is done! This is the only way. Do all you can to distract yourself, with other friends and possiblt getting out there and enjoying live with people your own age. These feelings will go away, hun...give yourself the gift of time and look after yourself.
A
female
reader, MommyOfOne  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 Your very *BEST* bet is to just leave it alone...
Just do something with your time. Think about a summer job, maybe? Or get involved in summer school. Send time with your friends this summer. Get involved in a club. Do something with your time so your not sitting around thinking about it nonstop.
The *mature* thing to do in this situation is to just let it go. He has pulled away for a reason. What he was doing was wrong and forcing yourself on him isn't right, and isn't flattering either. It will hurt at first, but your young. You will back at this in a few years time and laugh...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont quite know what to do about it.I know that I can just carry on and never talk to him again but I really want closure on this and yes maybe I'm not going to get it but I don't know the ways to move on without this?anybody got any ideas?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): My goodness you certainly have a 'thing' for this teacher still, don't you. But let's be real...you and I both know that male teachers do not look for girlfriends among their students. Some male teachers merely flirt with their female students a bit.....some just cruelly play with the female's emotions and feelings. Right? They have/had no intention of ever dating a student! Let it go...just move on. What on earth is going to be accomplished by expressing all your hurt, needy feelings to this jerk of a Teacher, who was likely 'only' thinking of some unethical things, that he could do to you, in the first place. I mean, the man doesn't give a hoot, hun. Whatever happened between you both, he's damned lucky he got out of this messy situation with his job intact, for cavorting with female adolecsent, he was teaching. Damn lucky. He's ignoring you, because you spell 'trouble' in his books. He doesn't want the problem anymore. So stay away from him. You'd be wasting your time and energies on a man who doesn't care. It's over and I know you want closure..but you will never get it with this man. Why? Because as far as he's concerned, it's done...over...kaput.
Hun, learn from this, save your pride here and get out with your own friends. Please just have fun being a carefree, fun loving teenager. Enjoy life because all too soon..the huge responsibilities of adulthood will be "nipping at your heels" and the harsh reality of growing up way too fast, sets in. Enjoy your youth and date boys your own age! Take care dear and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (24 March 2009):
He did the right thing by letting this go. I know its not something you understand now, and probably won't for many years. He is an adult, and you are a minor child. I honestly don't know how it is on that side of the pond, but in the states, a teacher fooling around with a student, who is underage, can not only cause that teacher to loose their job, but may also result in jail time. Sure enough, he shouldn't have started this inappropriate relationship and he was in the wrong for starting it. He is an adult, and should know better than that. You on the other hand, do not know better.
Don't get me wrong! My whole life, I have always been attracted to much older men. Even when I was your age. And I'm not trying to put you down for that, because I have been where you are before. But, now being in my mid-20s, and a mother to a little girl, I finally see how creepy it is when there is a teen girl dating or involved with an adult, older man.
My advice to this situation is to just leave it alone. I know it will hurt now, but in the end, you will only come out ahead. Trust me. He has pulled himself away for a reason. Its an inappropriate relationship. Give him space and don't demand answers now. (Your answer is more than likely what I stated if he has half a brain.) If your paths cross later in life, ask then. But as for now? Let it go.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 March 2009):
You just have to accept that he used you. He's had his fun and now he's bitter about it because he got caught.
He NEEDS this job. There is a recession on.
You will only understand and get your answers when you are older and have seen how men look at younger girls.
Accept for now that he is one of life's arseholes and move on with your life.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, xXteach_luvaXx  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 He probably just wants the best for you. If he really cares about you, then he's not going to talk to you, and if you want to say goodbye to him before you leave school, go ahead, just know you won't be as close as you used to be. Hope this helped! :)
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