A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have 2 children together (8 years old and 18 months old). I am due in June with our 3rd child. I am a stay at home mom for the most part, running two businesses from home aside from being a super mom, maid, cook and wife. My husband never cooks, or cleans and if I ask him he gets pissy half the time. My husband has no clue how much work is involved in this (3 bedroom house, 2 BR 2000 sq ft)What is really bothering is that we NEVER do anything together just him and I. I am home all the time and we rarely do anything outside of the home without the kids let alone with them. He just does not understand and I' ve tried to explain to him alot. His excuse is he works outside all the time wants to be indoors in the AC and drives everywhere and just wants to be home for once. What kills me more is that he will want to do something that will not include me or the kids and he just automatically assumes I will watch them, he never asks if I mind about watching the kids while he goes to run errands, help his dad with something or go out with his friends (gun range, store, friends house etc). These are our children not just mine... he has the same responsibilites as me or he at least should.Don't get me wrong I love my kids to death but I need a life outside of this house and it's making me a miserable person lately. His family lives about 20 minutes away and are busy with their own lives they never offer to babysit and the one time they did, I felt like I won the lotto - we went to a concert and rodeo - long story short I left in tears because my husband's body language and his attitude showed he didn't want to be there, he bitched about things and just didn't seem to have fun at all. Everything I like to do - he doesn't - seems like if we do anything it is because he wanted to do - (Movie, Eating out) they are his ideas and places or movies he wanted to see and yes the kids are with us. He says I am in charge of my own happiness and it's my own fault I'm unhappy. What he does not get is being with him and sharing simple things together is what makes me happy and if he does not want to be included in them then yeah it's hard for me to be happy obviously - he is the only friend I really have and I want to share things with him and go places.. it's not like we are hurting for money or the things I want to do would cost much at all. I'd be happy with a simple walk to the park. What else can I say or do to help him understand??I feel like I am at this point in my life where I am missing out on things and it breaks my heart he does not want to be there with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): Yeah, the only person you can change is you....you can start doing the things you want to do, pay for a babysitter and go out!
Don't always do so much for him....try to get him to realize all the "services" you provide at home as well as working at a real business or two and you have only children for company during the day.
That is not good, you need to speak to and be around
some adult company....if he isn't available go with some
others.
Try thinking about what would really make you happy as far as some activities, you both don't have to share the same interestts, but it does help if you do share one big passion....try and figure out what that is or create it for him and go from there.
A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (24 March 2009):
 He doesnt wanna go out? Good ... get a babysitter, get dressed and go out .. im sure you have at least on GF .. go out .. WITHOUT HIM .. and if he complains .. tell you, you are the maker of your own happiness and if he is not interested to go out with you, others are!
Guys are blind .. they are selfish and they do not understand what us women w children are going through .. how much work is it not to only be pregnant, but have children to take care of and whole family and a business ... I do understand how you feel and I wish I had another answer for you .. but I think, you should just open his eyes !
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I have actually sat down and talked to him about a lot of this and it always ends up being an arguement or he accuses me of wanting to be controlling or just a miserable person. He knows I am willing to do anything as long as it includes being with him, he has a crazy work schedule now and its even harder to spend time with him (11am-8pm)
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As far as planning for another baby, sounds mean to say but no we didnt plan for this baby infact I was on B/C when I got pregnant. The way I see this is no matter what god has blessed us with another amazing child and obviously he is the person in charge, he would not give me more then I can handle.
We have a computer business and a graphic design company which helps make up for me not working anymore since daycare expenses are out of hand where we live and its hard to find a employer to hire me with the kind of crazy schedule I would need to have since my husband works a lot and is on call and works all kinds of crazy hours.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 March 2009):
I think your husband is going to carry on telling you that you are responsible for your own happiness because at the moment he is perfectly content.
So take him at his word. Go out and make new friends. Male and Female.
And when you go out and have fun and are getting texts and leaving him to do some of his own ironing then he might actually realise what he's let go.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): First of all, don't treat your husband as your only friend because he is not your friend. You need to have friends other than family.Friends can be a huge emotional support and can help you getting through tough times.
I assume he's been like this because you let him have his way. Your relationship is clearly strained and I don't understand why did you plan for another baby?
I would like to know what two businesses are you running?
I think you put on way too much on your plate and you are having a hard time now.
You need to have a clear conversation with your husband. Tell him you have difficulty handling kids, household, 2 businesses and a new baby on the way all by yourself.
My advice is if you are okay financially then don't overwork yourself. Being a stay at home mom for 3 kids is more than enough. Don't try to be a superwoman and take it easy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Have you told your husband how you feel? Not just tell him that you need him to babysit or do more things with you, but have you told him what is in your heart?
Try not to criticize him, but just say I feel like I am missing out on life with you and here's why. I feel unloved sometimes and here's why.....and ask him first to agree to listen to you without interruption and then you will do the same for him.
Also, maybe start taking some control over your own happiness and stop being there just for him and the kids.
In most communities in the US there are churches that provide babysitting services called Mother's day out. Or you could enlist a girl friend or neighbor to trade days and babysit your kids. Start doing things outside of the house without the kids and don't ask permission....some Saturday announce you are going out to shop and you will be by XXX and say they are your kids, they would love spending some one on one time with there dad.
The other thing I would like to recommend is a book by Stephen Covey...."The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Families"
http://shopping.franklinplanner.com/shopping/catalog/productbooks.jsp?id=prod358&product=7habitsofhighlyeffectivefamilies&sc=google&n=7_habits&c=Keyword-GOOGLE&s_kwcid=7%20habits%20family|1017101646&gclid=CKuaxsTRvJkCFQENDQodlg4Jug
And talk to your husband about that book or have him read it or read excerpts outloud to him and get his buy in on some of those habits.
He isn't being a great partner, but I bet he doesn't realize what it is he is doing.....men are creatures of habit and you just have to start changing things up a bit to get his attention....so take charge and go for it.
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