A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I'd married my first love for more than 10 years. we have one college daughter. Few years ago, I found out he cheated with my younger sister. I filed for a divorce, but never left our house beacause he was begging, crying and promising me he'll change. Besides, I didn't want my daughter life affected by this and I also still love him so much. However, every few weeks, my parents' house hosts family gathering. It means, I have to see my sister every single time. I always noticed his eyes kept looking for my sister, and his eyes sparkle every time he saw her. This hurts me so much. I thought that time can erase this pain, but it refreshes every single time we meet my sister at my mom's place. I always went home and cried my heart out every single encounter with her. Sometimes, I had to pretend I was sick to avoid the gathering. I am so helpless and depressed. Please advise me what to do
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affair, depressed, divorce, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): Your husband cheated on you with your sister. The two people that should be the most trusted in your life betrayed you. They're not good people and you shouldn't hang around them. All that is doing is putting you through misery, while they get to live their own life.
You should divorce that SOB, tell your family about your sister's betrayal, and look for a man who will treat you right.
If you're worried about your daughter, I suggest you talk with her about it, she's in college, I'm sure she knows what cheating can do to a family. She can handle it.
Either you divorce him, or you sit there and wallow in your own misery. This marriage is already crumbled. I'd hope you'd choose your own happiness over his and her selfishness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): What then hell here? You are suffering and not happy. Divorce the SOB and let everyone know that he was porking your sister and you had enough. Tell your soon to be x to go back to your hoe sister. Tell the whole family via a letter or dvd recording and send copies to your lawyer. Move out asap and never look back. Enough is enough..
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Do your parents know your sister slept with your husband?
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 It would be a constant reminder of betrayal each time you see your sister in the same room. Especially when you see his eyes sparkle… There’s no escaping it and it plays over like a cracked record!
Given that you have somehow forgiven your Husbands transgression, you need to extend that forgiveness to your Sister!? It appears from what you have written that her eye contact is not reciprocated? Therefore only one of them is really giving you pain? Hence you confront that person!
Upon the next family gathering, I would take a deep breathe and have it known that he if he so much has one glint of sparkle in his eye for her, it’ll be knocked out of his sockets! He is still acting in violation of his past conduct.
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Your daughter is old enough. I would divorce him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): Normally i say fix broken thing. Back in my day, sweetie, thats what we did. But in this case, break up with his sorry ass, and make this poor old lady proud.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 I think before you do anything... you need to talk to your family about this situation. This way I am sure they will be able to support you and help you find the strength to make your decision to leave this man. If for any reason you decide to forgive him and stay with him, at least they can understand your position and your sister will be in the dark shadows and not you. You do not have to suffer through this!!! You did nothing wrong!
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (13 May 2013):
 I don't think you should continue this marriage. Can you ever be ok with this? Especially if you say he still seeks your sister out at family gatherings. I know that I personally could never get over something like that. I could never be fine with it.
You have experienced a massive double betrayal by two people who are supposed to love you and who you are supposed to trust. That must have shaken you to the core. How are you supposed to get on with your life and deal with this if those two people are still in your life? I believe in forgiveness in many cases, especially if the wrong party is genuinely sorry, but this is unforgivable as far as I'm concerned.
I would divorce him and stay away from your sister for a good long time, too. You need time to heal and rebuild your life and confidence. I really wish you all the Brady and hope that
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 So sorry OP, but you have had a double betrayal. Your husband and your sister.
You were not the reason your husband had the affair but you are paying the price, you will never be happy so I would suggest that you divorce your husband, and make sure that your family knows that your sister is the reason why you are getting divorced.
If it is hard for you to go to family functions while she is there, well dont go - and be verbal about it - why should you be suffering and she sits there innocently pretending nothing is wrong.
She has destroyed your life, and as a sister, she should have known better.
(((hugs)))
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): I would divorce him and make a new life for yourself as the marriage you are in is not making you happy and your relationship seems to have run it's coarse.
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