A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 years old and me n my fiancee, who is 25, have been together for a year and a half and we just had a baby, we have been talking about marriage for over a year now and i am not sure if we should. i am doubting if he is the one for me. I'm not sure if i am truly in love with him, but i am afraid to leave him. He treats me right, he would do anything for me, he kisses the ground i walk on he is honest faithful a good father a provider he a great man but i am not physically attracted to him and i've been in love once before and the feelings i had in that relationship far surpasses what i feel in this one. he is a good man and i love him and i dont wanna hurt him but i know he isnt the one, i dont wanna leave bcuz it would b so difficult to find another man as good as him who will be ok with me and my child and love me this much. Should i settle and stay or go back to the single life and try to find true love?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): You should always be honest with him. Why do you feel turned off by him? Is there a new interest that's taking your attention or maybe you feel you've just grown apart because I agree, you must have been attracted to him before. If its a matter of love, think long and hard about when it stopped and why? If he is so great then why let him go? People are constantly changing but if you can revive that missing spark you can have it all. If he truely loves you he will understand and work with you if you give him the chance because obviously there's history, would putting a nice spark light that flame up? Now days people are so fast to run away, ask any couple who's lasted over 20 years if it was easy? Maybe you both need to take the time to fall in love all over again because I highly doubt there's no feelings there and your just confused.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 He will always be the father of your child. I think it is best to be honest with yourself. Sure, he is a good catch! But maybe not for you. What I fear is that for now you might be able to find peace settling with him, but later down you will grow more and more unhappy. I think you should be honest with yourself, and him! For now you are leading him on to think that you will marry him.
But, I think you should give your thoughts a bit more time. You just had a baby. Clearly you have been attracted to this man at some point, or you would not have ended up pregnant in the first place. Im always a bit careful with advising huge changes to pregnant women, or women who just gave birth. Mainly because there are so many feelings, hormones, possible depressions, and already a life altering thing going on. I believe in battling one thing at a time. So for now, get used to the baby and your new life. Then I want you to think about at what time did you loose the attraction to your man? Do you feel alone in the relationship, feel like he doesn't help out enough with the baby, are you tired a lot (of course you are with a newborn, but do you get any sleep at all?), how are you feeling overall?
I think it could be a good idea to calm down for now, find a routine that makes your transition into motherhood as good as possible. And then, when you've come to terms with your new role as a mother, figure out if you are happy with your role as a girlfriend. One thing at a time.
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A
female
reader, INTJ +, writes (5 June 2010):
You are young. He is young. I cannot advise you to settle - you will break up in the long run.
Maybe let him know how you are feeling unsure about marriage and suggest couples therapy. There you can saftly explore your relationship. If he really isn't the one it will come out there, and if he truely loves you hopefully he will be able to let you go. He'd want you to be happy. You have to make the break as peacefully as possible your child's sake, since this man will be in your life forever in one way or another.
Everything will work out in the end. There will be heartbreak, but if you've been in love previously you know you'll all live through it. Sometimes you have to be brave before you can be happy :(
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 June 2010):
 If you're not physically attracted to the guy, how did you guys reproduce?? What were you thinking? You two have been through a lot, and now, your relationship is all responsibility. You're young and have a young girl's desire for adventure, and this guy represents the tough dredge of adulthood.
Don't give up on this guy too easily, as he is a great dad for your kid. Put some spice into your relationship and give it more than just "who's going to stay up with the baby?".
If you go back to the single life, you go back as someone different than who you were before the baby. It's up to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Don't stay with someone you know in your heart you are uncapable of loving to the fullest of your inner being. It's wrong, it's selfish and you both will end up hurt in the long run. Now there is a baby involved, it makes this situation even more difficult....why didn't you think about this long and hard before making such a big leap with bringing a child into this world with a man you really don't want to be with...a man that you know in your heart isn't "the one?" You never should settle for being in a relationship with this guy even if it means being single for a short or even long period of time. There a high, moderate and low price to pay for every action we take in this life time. You can't make yourself love or have feelings for this guy...if you couldn't, you probably would that way it would make it easier for you to stay with him..but obviously you know this guy isn't the "one" thus you should talk to him about it and be totally honest. Of course he will be hurt and he may never get over it, but it's in situations like this, it's best to be honest up front. You are 19 years old and he is 25...pretty young to me, thus you don't want to waste years and years trying to force something that isn't meant to be regardless of how great of a man you think or know he is. Yes, coming across great men and women is hard indeed, but if you don't have feelings for that person that would allow you to want to spend the rest of your natural life with them, THEN DON'T DO IT. Just because, a person is deemed "good" or "great" doesn't mean that they are exempt from being not wanting, taken for granted, cheated on and etc......the main thing is to get in where you fit in and that goes for both you and your boyfriend. Now is the time to set the record straight.....whatever you do PLEASE DON'T LIVE A LIE.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (5 June 2010):
 thats a toughy...you have two options clearly.
first off, whats the best interest for your child?
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