A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a real issue with myself. I'm a 25 year old single parent of 1 child.I've recently split from a married guy and finnaly feel ready to move on and meet somebody new. I want to settle down, marry and have more children but I'm finding that guys my age don't want women with children. I am worried about being left on the shelf and having no stability for me and my son.All of my friends and family say I'm extremely pretty and will be snapped up straight away but this simply isn't as easy as they say. Whenever I meet a guy, they either run a mile when they here I have a child or they're too immature ie all they want to do is get wrecked every weekend with they're guyfriends, sleep all week and wait for the next boozefest to come round. I find this a real turn off.Am I being too picky? I'm not a big drinker so I don't want a man who's a big drinker either, I don't want someone who wears tracksuits and walks round with they're hands down they're trousers swearing every other sentence, but then I don't want someone who's boring!I myself have a great sense of humour andf I get on great with people so could I be the problem? Am I really being too picky?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 June 2011):
 You are looking for a man to provide stability for you and someone elses seed, because you are pretty.
Forget the bleeding heart posts by the other women for a moment.
THAT is what your post is saying to a male reader who still got some balls left.
It ain't a nice thing to say but your own experience should tell you that a lot of men just ain't interested in this deal. RedAthena says your DESERVE a nice guy. Well ain't that nice. And thousands each day deserve drinking water and still they die. There is a huge difference between what a person deserves/needs/wants and what they get.
So. Are you being to picky? That depends on who is asking. The horny girl who doesn't know how to use birth control itching for a penis inside her OR the mother? You are being to picky if you just want a penis around for whatever you use it for. You are not being to picky if you want to create a stable environment for your child.
You might have to choose between the two. Accepting that becoming a single mother affects your dating.
But also that it affects where you stand on the dating market. You say you don't want someone boring.
Oh okay, this weekend. Paris, you and me, just for laughs.
You can't because of your kid? How boring.
There are plenty of young men looking to find a woman to create a stable family with BUT first they want a bit of freedom during the dating and first years of marriage bits. Few will want the burdens of a ready made family straight from the start.
If all you got to offer is being pretty... well... you better be amazingly attractive if that is all you got to offset a noisy kid.
Re-asses what you really want/need and which is more important, your sexual needs or your child needs. One or the other might have to come first. I hope you choose your child needs.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 June 2011):
 No you are not picky. You have normal standards. The problem is that guys too have standards and a common one, right or wrong that it may be, is no previous kids and no ready made family. Don't take it personally. There's nothing wrong with having kids as there is nothing wrong with wearing tracksuits. These are - personal choices, we are free to make our choices but we can't expect that everybody likes them.
Don't be impatient and don't settle for less than you want just for the sake of sharing your living space with some man.
You are still young and you have plenty of time to mee the right man, but even if you should not, don't think that being married is the be-all and the end-all of life.
Also being single has its rewards, those that the female
anonymous mentions :) and many more, and can in fact be a blissful, happy state.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): having/raising a child is a huge committment, but youre doing it! i have been a single mom for 24 years, was 17 with my first. sure i had serious relationships in all this time, engaged, never married. some positive influence male role models for my boys, some NOT so positive lol but its been ME and me only thats raised these guys. they did without alot at times, and sure it would be good to have 2 parents, but they are GREAT KIDS, and i did the best i could with my situation. focussing on that, versus finding someone to be with is where success develops, because really, who better to focus your love toward than your own child? and im sure you do. these guys that are all about the partying, THEY are the ones missing out on you and your child, you deserve better than that. my point is (if i have one lol)you dont NEED anyone, you are already raising that child yourself!! excellent!! any GOOD guy will notice you are "stand up" and want to enhance your life, not complicate it. you could try for guys a little older? but i dont know where youre meeting them..YOU ARE NOT PICKY, and if you think you are, you have every right to be, this is your life and your child we're talking about here. just think of how nice it is to not have to share the bathroom, pick up dirty socks, and have the remote all to yourself!! lmao!! dont worry sweetie...he will come....
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A
male
reader, G_S  +, writes (18 June 2011):
You're not too picky. You just know what you don't want in a man, so don't settle for those kind of men. Of course they run, because they are not ready for a serious relationship, not ready for any future commitments, and nowhere near ready for a family.
There are plenty of decent guys out there. My best friend had serious (serial) relationships with 2 single mom's and is now happily married to the second one, adopted, and is a great dad. I dated a single mom with 2 boys and it was a wonderful relationship for a year, until she basically demanded we get engaged or else the end, so it was "the end", because I didn't want to rush, and needed some more time.
Avoid the bars and clubs, and look for guys in your community and church. If you want an honest decent man, don't participate in meat markets... Do the harder work and earn a better reward - a good man to share your life and love with, and to help raise a good child.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (18 June 2011):
 No you are not picky. You have standards. There is a big difference.
You have an added responsibility! A child. So you are not just choosing a companion for YOURSELF but a role model around your child. You want, need, AND DESERVE someone who has more to offer than merely a penis.
No worries about being a single Mum. The RIGHT GUY is going to see you for all you have to offer BEYOND pretty looks. Just keep living your life responsibily and happily for you and your son.
The ones that run away from you because you have a son..are DOING you a favor by leaving! This way you can sort the maybes from the nos VERY quickly and easily!
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, ms.mak  +, writes (18 June 2011):
I don't think your being picky you just want what's best for you and your son. Finding someone who's ready to commit with you and your son takes a while. It took me a long time and I have two kids. My advice 2 u is take your time spend as much as you can with your son and enjoy. Hope this help! Goodluck!
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