A
female
age
30-35,
*irlly-girl
writes:Hi,ok so iv been single for a long time now, bout 4years and even before that I have never been involved in a proper relationship. Ths is rally starting to get me down.I feel that I do have issues with my self-confidence and at times do not feel attractive but I feel that I'm beginning to get over these issues slowly.I always seem to fall for the guys who are either taken or are jst totally out of my league and end up getting hurt when I see them with some one else.I even find it difficult when I'm out to get guy's attention and therefore have only actually ever been involved with one guy (I am aware of how ridiculos this sounds that I have only ever been kissed once!)Now I am really starting to feel down about the whole situation and just want some advice on what I can do in an attempt to get a boyfriend, or even just some male attention.Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and reply.x
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female
reader, girlly-girl +, writes (15 November 2009):
girlly-girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok just want to say thank u for all of the advice. it has really helped me! im now feeling far more confident and am managing to get some ppl to notice me (even got lucky the other night)
thanx again :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): *irlly-girl,Remove all your clothes and stand in front of a mirror in a well lit room. Examine yourself closely. Be honest with yourself. What do you see? Do you have unattractive features? Are you a bit on the heavy side?If you are kind of ugly in the face, honestly not much can be done unless you resort to radical medical treatment, but don't despair. Fortunately for you, men are easily distracted by other things. This is where you need to concentrate.If you are bit too chunky and you are not doing so already, you must enroll in a fitness plan and begin a drastic diet change. At your age, just a few months' effort can really pay off big. A doctor or dietitian can help you find your ideal weight.Once you get down to fighting weight or if you are already there, you'll need to show off your good stuff without looking to slutty. You don't have to break the bank when it comes to men. Don't believe the hype. You will only need a few strategically selected outfits that showcase your best assets. Once you are fit, finding out what these assets are is easy. Buy or borrow the tightest possible pants, miniskirt and top you can and go out to a public place for a few hours. Observe the guys who look at you. What do they seem to keep looking at? Whatever it is they're staring at - it is your asset. You need to work with it.Don't bother with trying to project a certain image when selecting your clothes, etc, for example, "what does my taste in clothes say about me?" Guys could care less about all that BS. They just want to see hotness. Just pick a few all-purpose things that are in style and make sure that they effectively show off your "charms" without appearing too trashy.When you get down to your ideal weight and you've got the right outfits, you need to get out there and start showing off a bit to the guys you're interested in catching. This is not the time to be shy. If he doesn't see what you have, he will certainly see what some other girl has. This will motivate his actions.You will need to stop with the shyness and try to put yourself in positions where the guys you like can:1. See you in your asset-featuring outfits2. Have sufficient opportunity to strike up a conversation with youWithout these two, you are totally lost.If you are in school, just pop on your "attack" outfit before you head to a class where you know a guy will be that you like. Sit right next to him if you can. Select your position carefully so as to make sure he can get a good view of the goodies you want him to see. If he looks at you, look at him steadily, smile and say "hi." Don't look nervous or worse - bitchy or indifferent - and look away as this is a real turn off for many guys. If he tries to say something funny, feel free to laugh at his jokes and joke with him. If there is interest, he will be make it known to you soon enough. If not, forget it and move on. He's too shy or not interested. There are plenty of other guys. You just don't know them yet.If you are not in school it's going to be a bit harder but you should be able to adapt the techniques mentioned above to situations you can make outside of work time. Enroll in a class or join a group that you are interested in. Make friends outside of your immediate circle and ask these new friends to introduce you to more guys.If you are successful in getting some attention, have ready a few things to talk about so you seem interesting and fun. In order to do this you need to have hobbies and interests. Try reading books outside of your normal field or job. Learn how to dance. Most guys find this very sexy. Learn how to cook if you don't know how to already. Learn how to play an instrument. Visit concerts, lectures and museums. Take up a sport. These types of things will give you plenty of conversation ammunition when the time comes.
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A
female
reader, steponeofone1234 +, writes (30 October 2009):
i experienced this last year. you need to start making an effort,maybe new make up,some new clothes. be confident.when guys talk to you dont be shy, talk away. add them on social networking sites so they know you want to get to know them. keep your body language open(dont cross arms!!!!) dont me bitchy about other girls to boys, its a major turn off.flirt, try and get them to open up to you.
xxx
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A
female
reader, justme4me  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 I'd like to tell you a whole lot about what a lady should do to get the right attention of the right guys but i guess am going to have to rush through it.I know it's really bad not having a close friend of the opposite friend cos i've been there.U really have to love yourself 1st before you think about someother person's interest cos there's no way u can give out what u dont have.Try getting to know urself better,know the right clothe,make-up and hair do to wear @ different times,concentrate on your being the best in everything you do and treat people[guys especially] with respect.I bliv with time,after u must have seen the good features in you,like me u would get to enjoy life and relationships.oops!before i forget,try making a whole lote of mutual friends and go out as much as u can,it's the only way u can get to meet a whole lot of guys. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 As a 25 year old guy that's only kissed two girls, I can say that I know the feeling well. I have had "proper relationships" in that both of the girls I kissed dated me for months or more, but both then cheated on me. Trust me, I know what it's like to feel like there's something wrong with me.
But I'd have to say that the best relationships I've witnessed grew out of friendship, not randomly picking someone up. And I agree with anon that if you've got any special interests (geeky or no) that some club activity is a good place to start. Many people recommend getting involved in some volunteering or church activities, too. But also, it might be worth taking the initiative and asking a guy you like to a movie rather than dropping hints and hoping he'll ask.
Whatever you do, though, just know that these things take time. There's someone out there for you, good and genuine guys, but it's possible they're even more meek than you are. Just keep looking and you'll find him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): hi,
I think that what you should do is start off by getting some more male friends then seeing which ones you get on with well in that way. after you have done that start asking if they like you if yes dont go too fast, if no just say that its okay and ask if you can still be friends and not think of it in a way as if to say that he's rejected you.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, nicole90 +, writes (29 October 2009):
 dear x,I was in the exact same situation about a year ago. I was worried about being single and I loved the thought of having a guy there who would be there for me. The advice I will give you will seem hard at first because all you'll want is to have the guy but in time it really helped. First, look at your future and ask yourself, what do I want to accomplish in life? Then, go for it! Take singing lessons, learn how to ride a unicycle, cut your hair really short. (these are some things I did) When your engrossed in bettering yourself and not worried about when you will meet your "boyfriend" it really helps. So all in all I say don't look for opportunities to flirt or meet that special someone. Just go out, better yourself, and guys will notice the great things about you and want to be with you. I started this about a year ago and in the past couple of months, no joke, 15 or so guys have asked me to be their girlfriend. And in the past month I went on 8 dates. This isn't to brag but to show you that it really does work. So be yourself and be open to different guys, not just your typical type. Go places where you feel comfortable and can have a good time. For me, it's the dance floor. I go crazy. So do the same and good luck!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): You need to be selling where there is a market for your type.
There are thousands of geeky guys pining away for a girl like you, but they arent in clubs with thumping music or frat parties.
If you have any geeky pursuit you have ever had any interest in, go check that out. Model airplanes, gaming, wood working classes. All will have tons of 'nice guys'.
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