A
female
age
51-59,
*hippy2
writes:Oh help me! He is at it again. How do I keep myself from any contact with him - I think I need to be hospitalized! He is texting me again this morning. About what they are doing and their jobs etc.I think it is a desperate attempt from him to make me think he is happy.He is spinning out of control. I want to crawl under a rock and hide till march.Please can anyone tell me what to do? I am gonna ask him to not have contact with me again and I have been trying to be busy and explore things again. I do go to therapy and have been thru cognitive therapy twice now.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (2 November 2009):
Well done and hang in there. You've made a really positive step. You are the strong one in this - he's the weak one that can't give you up so remember that!
Your ex seems to think you've got a lot to offer and I'm sure you do - just don't offer it to him! There'll be somebody else who actually appreciates it.
If you ever feel tempted to contact him or respond to a call, just pause for a couple of minutes and think "Why am I actually going to do this? What will it achieve?" and then try to remember all the reasons you think he's a complete a**hole. (I usually invent a couple of reasons too just for fun and write them in my diary!)
Take care - you can do this!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): well good for you sweetheart. I know it was tough but you did it. Hopefully he will listen. If not you can do it. You are stronger than you think. Do not fall into the fwb trap because he tells you how good you are...and how he misses it. You know that he knows what to say to get your attention. Be strong and stand firm....its all or none.;)
...............................
A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (2 November 2009):
Chippy2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again - I told him as of Nov 1st I did not want to hear from him at least until after holidays. and to please respect that.
He has both support and custody hearings for his girls in Nov and Dec and I want to know nothing of it and I dont want to know what he is doing with that woman during the holidays.
He and I used to go to Jamaica in February and I heard he is planning to take that woman. But he texts me and tells me he doesnt want to lose what I do in bed!
All r right - cold turkey is best - he even had the nerve to say most recently he hoped I havent started dating!
He has been with her 6 months! WTF?
Please all wish me STRENGTH to avoid and ignore him.
Thanks again
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I am going to be quite frank with you, this guy is playing with you because he can. He knows that you will answer him and give in to him. You are simply an ego stroke and he knows that you are his puppet. As long as you keep giving him the strings, he is forever going to have you dancing.
I am glad that you are going to counseling in order to get your life back together. That is a huge step and you should commend yourself for that. However, in order to get on the right path, you are going to have to let somethings go in your life. Your ex being one of them. I know all too well how it feels to be hurt by the one who claim to love us. It does feel like an emotional roller coaster. The only way to have some type of sanity is to get off of the ride!
I really don't know what happened and why you answer him when he calls. Obviously, this makes you emotional. At that same time, why do you constantly keep contacting/responding to him? The only way you can stop yourself is cut yourself off cold turkey. Change phone numbers, cut off ALL email contacts, and inform your friends that you are trying to cut him off. You can let them know that you don't want to be around if he and his girlfriend is.
That's best advice I can give, best of luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (30 October 2009):
Chippy2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you who answered. The HIM is an xbf of 4 yrs. we broke up 6 months ago and he moved a woman into his house. She pays towards bills helps with his kids blah blah blah. I think he only txts because he is not happy. But he wont admit it. Or it because he wants control of me?
I dont even know why we arent together. We had some issues but this woman is just so bland. But she does what he wants and is plain and quiet and he even admits it.
He says it is not serious - then he says they will have kids together. and that he is dating. WTF?
Anyway we have mutual friends and it is hard to keep him out of conversation.
With the holidays coming I want to just hide out from them all. I could change my number but the problem is that I will contact him if he doesnt contact me. Sigh
I think we should still be together - and he wants to meet sometimes for sex but I say no.
Why cant he just be a good guy and be with me?
He is gonna stop chewing for HER and she is gonna stop smoking for HIM - he says anyway.
Help!
...............................
A
female
reader, old-spinstah +, writes (29 October 2009):
Is the question how can you get him to stop contacting you or how can you stop yourself from responding to him when he contacts you?When I needed to sever ties with an ex I got a new phone number and deleted all his contact details so i wouldn't be tempted to contact him.You may also need to delete and block him from your email and facebook etc. Get a new email address if really necessary
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): can you give us more information? Who is HE? Whoever HE is can you block his number? I had a situation where i was being pursued inapropriately by a HIM...who had been a family friend for 25 years. It was this situation that brought me to this site, and an auntie helped me...probably saved my sanity. After i finally got my wits about me i thought i put a stop to it. After several weeks he started texting...again. It was all so 'innocent' until it wasnt. I finally had to quit trying to retain a friendship. I quit responding in any way to any private communication. It took a while but it has finally stopped ...i hope. .good luck.
...............................
|
