A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi allDated a guy that I got from my best friend. After 2 months we moved into my house because where he was staying according to him they mistreated him. After 3 months together he started to undermine me, and emotionally abused me.he would talk to me as if his talking to a 5 year old. I use to feel like I'm useless especially when I asked him to accept me on his Facebook account that's when he told me that he wont because he has friends there who are pastors and ministers and some of his lady friends are engineers. My question is why he treats me like that when his a university drop out, doesn't have his own place and stays in my house. Lastly I was using his laptop then ended up checking some photos and he checked and saw that I've seen them, then he screamed and yell at me that I should stop touching his laptop, like I must never ever use his things. I'm so lost for words and wondering what is really wrong with this guy cause I feel that his destroying my self esteem. Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm not good enough or even smart enough.
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best friend, facebook, moved in, self esteem, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lovebird me +, writes (11 April 2020):
To WiseowlE
I met the guy from his cousin whom was a best friend of my late boyfriend, the cousin is a guy too. The part of using his laptop when he came he was visiting me he use to use mine, then mine needed an upgrade so he took it to one of his friends then it happened that they were not able to fix it and now I was left with a laptop that doesn't have the MS Office.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2020): You call the biggest strongest scariest men in your family together. You ask them to come-over and help you to give your roommate his two-weeks notice to move-out. Nobody threatens or lays a finger on him. They are your body-guards and "back-bone;" since you are too frail, and your self-esteem is too damaged to tell that S.O.B. to get the hell out of your house!
If your town is on shut-down for Covid-19; then I guess you'll have to grow a backbone and stand-up to this guy until you can throw him out.
You have no right going through anyone's devices without permission. If you're bold enough to do that, be bold enough to take whats coming to you!
Don't make it a habit of listening to sob-stories and rushing to move guys in that you can't handle, or hardly know!!! If he is not out of your house in two weeks, call your goons to help pack his things. Call the cops and tell them you want him off your property.
Your self-esteem and value is not based on what some random jerk tells you about yourself.
If you're that easy to tear apart, you're in a world of hurts. You need to seek some counseling to determine why you think so lowly of yourself that you'd believe what anybody tells you. Then work-on building your self-confidence to a level where not just any bastard off the street can come along and pulverize you with verbal-abuse and snark.
Your house is your castle! You weren't the man who was homeless; and had to go running to a woman for a place to live.
Explain what you mean by "a guy you got from your best-friend?" Was he her ex? A friend of a guy-friend?
Looks like somebody set you up! Big-time!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2020): The laptop was that he took mine to be fixed as he was using it then brought his as it was kept in his office so as I was not having mine, I used his for my assignments. I mean how would he have boundaries when it comes to his things and I dont have boundaries when it comes to my house. He watch my television, sit on my couches as if it's a bedroom I would even leave hi alone to make him feel at home as a partner. The audacity to be rude was so uncalled for.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 April 2020):
 This is a case of " marry in haste - actually, move in in haste - repent at leasure ". You moved him in too fast, before having time to knowi him and to notice a few disturbing things about him. Among which, that he is ashamed of you- but of course not ashamed to the point of keeping his distance from you. Oh no, not that- as long as you are someone he can scrounge off ( I would bet that either he does not pay you any rent, or if he does, he does not pay the current rental market price ).
Lucky for you, that's easy to solve. You moved him in fast- now you move him out . Even faster. Let's see if his engineers friends will trip all over themselves in the rush to take him in…
So you will show him that you are actually smart. You maybe were not too smart in taking him in so fast - but you soon saw his true colours , so you are turning him out, and this is very smart !
P:S: To tell you the truth, I think he is right as for not touching his things- I think you shouldn't ever , without having
asked his permission first. That's a rule of thumb that applies to most live - in situations, and I find it very appropriate and respectful even between husband and wife, or between siblings etc. I know that other people are a bit more relaxed about sharing things in the same fanily- but surely NOT the belongings of a guy who is only sort of your roommate- cum- date. Of course that does not authorize him to yell and scream and berate you , and I don't justify him at all. Still, next time , with your NEXT boyfriend… ask first and you'll never go wrong...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 April 2020):
 Ask him to move out.
That really is your only choice. He isn't treating you right.
You know it's NOT you that isn't good enough, OP - it's him.
He needs to go. You need to get back to your own better self and you can't do that with him around.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2020): You can prove you are smart enough by kicking him out. Get back your front door key from him or change the locks, collect his things in a suitcase and cartoon boxes and put them on the porch, when he comes and sees his things on the porch tell him he is moving out, he can not stay in your house anymore, and if he kicks up trouble threaten to call the police. Don't back off no matter how much he pleads and begs. Put your foot down and act as though you have never known him. If he is worried about his pastor, doctor, engineer, friends let them provide digs for him. Be TOUGH.
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