| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend never wants to have sex with me. i had a baby a year ago and since then he never seems to want sex. it's really upsetting me and i'v tried to talk to him about it but he gets upset and angry with me for mentioning the problem. he says its because he's tired or not been feeling well. i feel so ugly and i have no confidence anymore. i don't know what to do iv ran out of ideas.
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female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 Well, having a child in the family can make you tired.
Children have a way of preventing the parents from getting enough sleep. They also put a bit of strain on the economy, especially if you're not super rich to begin with.
In addition to this; some men might develop a strange relation to their wife, thinking that now that she is a mother he shouldn't have sex with her (Madonna complex?).
In any case, I suggest for the two of you to try spending a bit of time alone, to do things you did before the pregnancy.
Did you two use to go for walks? Then take a walk together, even if it's a short one.
Take him out on a date in a restaurant with candles at the table.
Take the time to dress up, because it will give you more confidence and feel prettier.
Hopefully if you spend a bit of time as a couple, not just as parents, he will remember what it's like to be a lover.
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 A shot in the dark... But was he at the birth ?
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (9 January 2007):
 You've done the right thing by talking to him about it but since the problem is still there then I don't think you two have discussed it enough. You should talk to him about it again and tell him exactly how you feel and ask him to tell you exactly how he feels. Don't stop talking. Keep talking until you both find a solution. You must achieve a solution from communicating. Don't end the discussion if you haven't found a solution or if some questions are still unanswered.There's gotta be a reason behind it and you should get to the bottom of it. It is making you miserable and you shouldn't be feeling this way. Tired and not feeling well aren't really good excuses. He can't be feeling tired and unwell for a whole year with no recovery. That excuse has expired now and you need to get some answers.Have you put on weight since giving birth? Do you still take pride in your appearance and dress in an appealing way? Have you done anything that might have turned him off from you? Maybe you should give yourself a make over and get some new outfits? Change your hairstyle? But don't just do it for him, do it to make yourself feel good too because you've said you feel ugly and unconfident. Try and make the most of the good features you already have and remind him why he chose to be with you.
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