A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My mum has COPD, emphysema and diabetes, all of which she has had now for 4-5 years. She's on oxygen 24/7 and needs a lung transplant. Since then I've had to grow up and take her role, cooking, cleaning, shopping. Over the past two years she's gotten worse and can't do half as much as she was able to. She needs to diet before she can have a lung transplant and she stopped smoking a year before she found out she had this condition. This was until I found cigarette's in a draw in our house. She also doesn't help herself with the diet, asking if I can go to the shop for crisps, sweets etc. though because 'I'm the child and she's the parent' I have to do as she says or she'll go in a mood with me.Since the beginning of this year all we've done is argue, I'm 18 and have a boyfriend and I want a social life aside from looking after her, she treats me like a child and it really annoys me!I can't stop crying, she isn't getting any better and its come to the point where I don't even want to be at home because we don't get on like we used to and we argue almost everyday. I don't know how to get over the way I feel, I don't like speaking to my friends/boyfriend because I feel like I'm annoying them or they'll think I want attention. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, SparklesTheVampire +, writes (17 March 2014):
Hi,my grandma had COPD so I know how it feels, I became her sole carer at the age of 13 and basically lost all hopes at having a life. Towards the end we also began arguing a lot and finally I decided I needed to sit down and talk to her.As you pointed out your mum has been getting worse, you have to understand how frustrating this is for her. You're complaining because you can't have a social life, but your mother hardly has a life, hooked up 24/7 to an oxygen machine.She hasn't always been like this so it's extremely difficult having to adjust to this new style of life. My grandma loved going out and having a good time, and basically in the end she was just being driven crazy by not being able to do anything.Maybe you can sit and have a chat with her, maybe discuss hiring a part time carer so that you have time to go do your own thing.I hope that I've been able to help a little.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 March 2014):
Hi there. It certainly is a very challenging situation to be in, with someone in the family who is chronically ill, that's for sure.
From what you say, it sounds like it is just you and your mother - no brothers and sisters?
And is your father there, or not?
If it is just the two of you, well then I really think you need to consider outside help for your mother's personal health requirements.
She is most likely eligible for help from the government.
I am talking about in-home assistance - like a district nurse, plus some respite care for you.
And I say this, because it seems you are her primary carer.
If you do not look into what in-home care that is available, well then eventually it could come to a point where you can't even work - because you won't want to leave your mother, in case anything happens while you're gone.
This can be a very frustrating situation to be in, and one in which you feel you have absolutely no control over, whatsoever.
And it already seems to be causing depression in you and a lot of stress.
And this situation cannot be allowed to continue for any length of time.
Because, if it did, you might end up in hospital yourself, because of total exhaustion.
It is simply an untenable situation.
Another additional option in the meantime, would be to seek out respite care for your mother for about 2 weeks or so, where she could be looked after by professionals - in a live-in environment - to give you a break from it all.
It sometimes becomes necessary for this to happen, for the family members living with someone who is so extremely ill and chronically so.
I really suggest you seriously look at what is available out there, and it might be a very good starting point to ask your family doctor about it.
I strongly recommend you do this sooner rather than later.
For the sake of your own health, and your peace of mind.
It is critical that you do this, and do not delay it for one single day longer.
I promise you, you will NOT regret it.
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