A
female
age
30-35,
*izbeth_Cooper
writes:I'm a 20 year old girl who has been brought up in a conservative family with certain values. I was reluctant to behave in a certain way and do certain things in order to fit in with the rest of the people at my school and college. I'm a responsible girl and a dedicated student. Drinking too much, doing drugs, smoking, bisexuality, and questioning religion are things that I'm OK with but could not pursue because I was afraid of losing my friends and disappointing my family. Recently, I've met this young gentleman who doesn't feel the same about these things as others around me do. He's also very serious about his studies and respects others. He's just like me except that he's not forced to hide who he is. My parents despise people like him and so do my friends. People think it's disappointing for me to pursue someone like him. There's nothing serious between us but I was thinking about telling him how I felt about him. Should I do that or should I forget about him?
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female
reader, Lizbeth_Cooper +, writes (10 June 2013):
Lizbeth_Cooper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! Thank you so much for your answer!
Yeah, this guy does do things that I wish I had the guts to do such as drugs or sleeping around, yet he is a responsible adult. I've always been taught that people who do these things are not suited for me but that's not true about him. It's just the stereotype and people are just judging!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): Your parents and your friends despise people who are serious about their studies and respect other's?
The partying and experimenting, etc. is something you want to do and can't, or something you think you have to do, but won't?
The guy likes to do all that stuff and he doesn't have to hide it like you do, so you are thinking you should not get involved with him?
Yes, I am asking you lots of questions to make you think about what your answers are.
The world is full of different people, and they do lots of diferent things. Some you may approve of, other's you may want to try and other things you do not want to involve yourself with. All of these things are what makes you who you are, allows you to grow, learn and have experiences, AND make mistakes to learn and grow from.
Do not ever do anything because you "think" it's what you have to do to fit in or to be like someone else. The great thing about college is, there is something for everyone and lots of opportunity to experience new things, but it doesn't mean it has to be things that go against your morals and values.
Your parents have raised you a certain way and you can take what you have learned and valued into your own life now. You are an adult and it's time for you to decide what is right for you. Your views are going to change or expand, your friends are going to change, your idea of a partner/relationship is going to change. You are going to think differently about a lot of things as compared to when you were 16-17 for example and some of those things may very well go against what your family and friends feel, but it is more than likely you will hold onto the real important things.
Work hard and play hard. Go have some fun. Let this guy take you out on a date. It doesn't mean you have to get into a serious relationship with him or get married to him. Just have a nice time and see what happens. You may find he is the right one for you, or you are just not capatable and don't have the same values and morals, down the road. Until then, relax, and enjoy yourself without guilt.
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A
female
reader, Queen_mermaid  +, writes (10 June 2013):
Why will your parent despise him? Whats the reason behind it? The way you described him, i actually did not find any strong reason for why they should dislike him. You know the reason. Analyse it and see if it is truly a serious matter.
You can also introduce him to your family as a friend only. See their reactions. If you see, they seem to dislike him for whatever reason, you should forget him. Else if they like him, you should go ahead.
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