A
female
age
30-35,
*ucyLu30
writes:I really need help. I don't know what to do and i just need other peoples views on this whole situation. Everything is becoming too stressful and i don't know weather i should go and see a doctor to give me some calming tablets or what. My brother moved away about 2 years ago and he now lives in Australia. Me and him were really close and he was basically a dad to me but when he left i've had to live with my parents who i really don't get on with at all. They argue all the time really bad and come home late and they're always really drunk. I really don't know what to do about it because it's starting to affect my studies and all i want to do is stay in my room and cry. I've talked to a few of my really close friends about this all and they say i should go and stay with my grandparents for a few weeks which i think i should do but what then? It will just carry on if i come back home.All i want is to go and visit my brother and for him to tell me everything will be ok but he's so far away and it costs so much. I know that my parents won't listen and will never change because they've even gone into school about a year ago to discuss their behaviour but even that didnt make them change. I just really don't know what to do or where to go and i feel really lost. It's making me feel even worse because all my exams are coming up really soon and i just feel so lonely and out of place. Help?
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male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 First, make an appointment with your doctor and request a consultation. Explain to him/her what's happening at home and how it's affecting you and your school work. If your doctor is any good he/she will refer you for counselling.Not because your "nuts", it's to teach you some coping methods for living at home.If counselling does not help, you can apply for government assistance, so you can live away from your parents. Having the medical and counselling records will be of great help in getting government assistance.I can see by this post, you have access to the Internet.Does your brother have access also?If he does, then you can "talk" to him practically daily.This would help you cope much better than how your coping now.Remember, everything is temporary, it doesn't last forever.When I was young and living at home, my father was a travelling salesman, so he was practically never home.My mother was an alcoholic, so she was really never there for me either.Now I'm no mental giant, but I made it through, and I grew up just fine.Believe it or not, you will too!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Oh, LucyLu30 - you're in a bad place right now and you're desperate for someone to help and support you. Can you go speak to your grandparents? Do they live near you? Obviously your school are aware that there's a major problem at home, but their intervention has made no difference to your parents' behaviour.
Can you speak to someone at school again, a counsellor, or someone like that? Tell them what's happening, let them know you're considering moving to your grandparents' house. It's vital that you don't let your parents' unforgivably selfish behaviour ruin your future - even if you could go to your grandparents until you have successfully completed your exams, that would be a great beginning to your breaking free of them.
Your brother moved to the other side of the world, and that speaks volumes ... he couldn't get away far enough. Are you in touch with him regularly? Can you phone him or email him?
Unfortunately, my pet, no-one can wave a magic wand to make everything better, but you are obviously a mature and ambitious girl. Don't lose that!
If you are 16-17 you no longer need to live at home, you can (within reason) live wherever you want. If you lived with your grandparents, do you think you'd be able to take on, say, a Saturday job so you could contribute financially to their household?
What do you want to do when you leave school? Do you plan to go to University or College? It's desperately important that you speak to someone at your school about this; they will do everything they can to help you.
In the meantime, don't give up! You are young, your life is ahead of you, full of hope and possibilities. The same cannot be said for your parents - don't let them drag you down. Please keep in touch, let me know how you're doing.
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