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anonymous
writes: Hi,Me and my boyfriend seem to be stuck in a bit of a destructive pattern. We both love each other very much and get on great most of the time, but the problem is that he doesn't tend to tell me how he's feeling and lets it build up.We've been together 2 and a half years and in that time there's been about 5 occasions where he's got drunk and said nasty things to me which have left me very upset, or he has ended it with me. He always wants to get back with me and I always reluctantly let him, as I love him and don't want to be without him. Two nights ago we went out and when we got home he vaguely finished with me again but then cuddled up to me and went to sleep, acting as if nothing had happened. The next morning he acted as if nothing had happened and when he had a nap, I was frustrated, so upped and left. We've barely spoke since but he knows we're over.Now I don't know whether a) he wants me back or b) I should go back. What do you think? We love each other very much and I miss him terribly.
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reader, hlyberry3 +, writes (27 March 2005):
It sounds to me like there needs to be a change in this relationship, and that change is maturity. I am not doubting that you yourself, or even he, is a responsible adult, but the great thing about love is how it makes us act so childish at times. I've done it, sounds like you guys are, and anyone else reading this. Ultimatly the root of the problem sounds like him and his lack in knowing how to express himself. Does he express himself outside of relationship problems or is this simply only a problem within your relationship? I used to have a BF that could not express himself and did not understand why. It caused so much confusion for me and was the root of all problems we had. I tried and tried to change him, but finally, after lots of hard nights and tears, I realized I could not change the guy. I had to let it go, unless I wanted to stay with him, but ultimately always deal with the communication barrier. I indeed left and life got better! So, the answer is simply in your hands. Go back to him, but only if you want the saga to continue. This entire thing is up to you and him. Are you willing to deal with a rocky, always ending and starting over relationship, or are you willing to end it, hurt for awhile, and eventually find someone new who will treat you right?
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reader, sammi +, writes (27 March 2005):
Men are sooo different to women and many tend to keep things bottled up. It's a fact, but there is one thing you should try and that is to show him that you are there for him no matter what it takes. But you definitely should not take what he is doing to you. Give him 2 options. There should be either a) you let me help you or b) there is no more me and you! All my support on this one. GOOD LUCK SWEETIE!
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