A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I started college last week and it didnt go amazingly well.The other girls seem to have grouped off already.Being a shy person anyway I find it hard to make new friends and I don't know what to do.I really would like friends because at breaktime I have to sit by myself and do nothing,it makes me feel upset and lonely,and all the other people walk past and glance over at me.I can't afford any new clothes and I find that people judge me because I have to wear the same things over and over.I don't know anyone at college or anyone in the city I live in.I try to talk to people but,they seem to not be interested because I can't make them laugh and I can't think of much to say to them.My bf says it will take time ,but I just feel so lonely.I've lived in this city for 2 years but where I used to work it was mainly older people,so I don't know anyone my own age.Any advice??
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male
reader, wildgift  +, writes (8 September 2007):
Everyone wants friends. Not everyone has the sensitivity and insight you have to find *good* friends.Being shy, you might thrive in a more structured environment, like student housing, where they put on some social events. You'll find the quality people, looking for other quality people, and you'll have found your friends.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (8 September 2007):
You are not the only one in your boat. Seek out other students that have the same interests and goals that you have. I found many friends at the Library, Lab Classes, Study Halls and the Student Union (Cafateria). Learn to ask question of mutual interest. Smile and be helpful and all will work out well.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (8 September 2007):
 Sorry your feeling blue right now dear. I have been transplanted and had to build up a new base of friends before too. Its not easy, but like your boyfriend said it takes time.
The school girls who may be looking down theyre noses at you right now are probably just as uncomfortable and insecure as you are. People make up for theyre insecutities in differet ways. Be glad yours isnt so false.
I would suggest that you try not to let those negative feelings about the people youve met and the environment your in become a final judgement of the situation. This only distances you from being able to talk to people. I understand you are hurting but as a wise person once told me "feelings arnt allways facts". Try not to confuse the feeling that you are alone with the facts. The fact is you have been there a week, youve left friends and family and your in a new and strange environment. The simple answer is usually the best my dear. I sincerely doubt that in a few weeks you will still feel this way.
One other thing that helped me when I was down and seperated from those I loved was keeping sentimental items or doing things that made me feel closer to them.
At one point I was away from my daughter for almost 3 months. I didnt get to see her every day and it was tearing me up inside. She gave me a teddy bear and I slept with it every night. It made me feel like I wasnt all alone. I know it sounds kinda pathetic and weird but I made it through that time and if it took sleeping with a stuffed animal, thats just what it took. Ive still got that little bear, but he sits on my dresser because Ive got my daughter to cuddle with any time I need. :)
I really hope you get through these blues soon my dear. There is alot of exciting times to be had at this time in your life.
Duce
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A
female
reader, jo158 +, writes (8 September 2007):
Hey i know exactly how your feeling i fell in that way when i started college and it took ages for people to accept me. the same as yourself i could afford the up market clothing i was the opposite i was to outgoing and annoyed everyone but they finally turned around and i seemed to fit in really well it will take time. dont worry bout the clothes as long as there clean just mix them up a bit wear different combinations. the friend thing is another story unfortunatly its hard you just have to be yourself there must be loads of people at the collage that falls in the same way as you join some clubs that interest you and find friends in mutual interests hope this is some help take carex
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Anon young Brit, do not think of yourself as "the one and only feeling odd person here". That in itself is a form of self-centeredness. It may well be the case that you think on a more mature level than most of the other students. So what? You are not the only one. All colleges I ever had any knowlege of have many centers, circles, and clubs for people of all interests and backgrounds. Social, academic, and just ordinary interest fraternities, sororities, and clubs. Why don't you check some of them out. Some are not active "recruiters" for their group. They don't have "first simester rushes" like others that are purely social. They expect people to gravitate naturally to them if interested. About clothes,..I have no idea what the "fashion" for twenty year-old college Brits is. I don't care in the least. I didn't care much when I was in college myself in the USA (a few years ago). I don't recall anyone else worrying much about it either, unless it was a formal dress event of some kind (and you can always rent that stuff. I did). I don't think you should care much either. If anyone makes a "judgement" about you because of what you have on at any point in time, why in God's green earth would you care about them?! I would not give such a non-entity the time of day. Get into your studies first and foremost. That IS why you are there, after all. And greet every new day with a smile. "Ahh...! Another day to learn something new! Best wishes. Tom
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): You dont want to be around people who judge like that so why worry about not knowing them?why do you have to sit by yourself? find some other person to sit by... avoid trying to join a group, most people will have a rat pack mentality which makes them unfriendly to those who appear at the fringe, go make your own clique. Above all; smile!
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