A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like it's not right to date a woman who already has dated and had sex with another person. I can't imagine having sex with her if someone has already had intercourse with her. I'm thinking and hate imagining that i'll be somehow touching my penis with the other guy's. I hope this is wrong so please enlighten me. ps i've never had sex nor had a girlfriend before.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thanks guys. All are great answers especially from the first poster, it was a very great explanation. I do feel like crap for not having found one past 18 years of age, but I know I never really like the idea of relationships in high school and also never looked. I hope this doesn't bite me later. I knew this wasn't necessary to be validated but I just felt that I had to ask, and I don't really have anyone else to ask this about.I like the analogy by Cindy but in there, there's not really much cleaning and maintenance going on like every morning/night one cleans their mouth.Anyway I worry too much. Thanks again all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): It is perfectly normal. Why are you seeking validation from strangers?
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Hey not at all. I wasn't bothered personally. My first girlfriend wasn't a virgin but I was. Didn't bother me.
If it did then I wouldn't be with her. If it bothers you that much then just wait until you find a girl you like that is a virgin and hey presto!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 "I'm thinking and hate imagining that i'll be somehow touching my penis with the other guy's."
Yes that's a weird and messed up thought. You are not somehow touching another guy's penis when you are having sex with a woman who is not a virgin!
You know this is clearly wrong right? It's an unhealthy thought and is not going to do you any favours in your life. You need to let it go.
Women are not 'things' that somehow get 'damaged' or 'spoiled' through sex. Women are people, every bit as complex, real and sexual as you. Just because she was touched by some guy's penis doesn't make her any less of a person, or less 'clean' or whatever it is that you think it is.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 I suppose then you also need a never-been-kissed girl. Otherwise, wouldn't it be as if your tongue was touching with the tongue of the other guy who's been there before you ?
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A
male
reader, Smart_Idiot +, writes (13 January 2013):
I don't know where to begin, but I would say if this is very important to you, and since you are very young, then try and find a girl who has a strong faith and conviction like yours. Be honest with any potential wife and don't feel any need to lie for your ego, or to test the the waters. Be up front with anyone you date about your history and how you feel before getting too serious. Don't expect to find anyone, male or female, over 20 who has not had intercourse. Certainly there a few people like this, but they are indeed rare, so have reasonable expectations.I lost my virginity when I was 18. Like you I had a strong conviction about it when I was young. I thought somehow that while all the other guys were 'getting some', that I would be rewarded for waiting for the one, and that she would do the same. But finally I decided to go ahead and lose it with the first best opportunity, virgin or not, because I had it in my head that if I didn't lose it before 18 I would be less of a man.That relationship ended up becoming a marriage and I was still beating myself up after we wed, and her unfairly, after we married. It caused alot of problems for me. We ended up divorcing several years after that, not because of that reason alone, but it is where all the problems started. Finally in my second marriage I am starting to see things a little more balanced, but still cause myself suffering whenever I think of my wife having been with other people. I am getting help for this now, but better yet, I am helping myself at the moment better than anyone. Dealing with the issue I am dealing with is not where you are at.I say go with the advise I gave you in the first paragraph. If you follow my path, you will have to learn to start looking at life from a different perspective. If you stubbornly cling to the past, or their past, you will cause yourself and others alot of pain. I will tell you that from my experience, women do not think anything special of their first experience (physically speaking). I have a great sense of raised ego knowing that my wife had been with other men, but never gave herself to them as completely as she has with me. I also truly love her, and when you really love someone, in the most enlightened, mature, and real way, then none of that stuff matters. For younger women, I would advise considering your future husband when you are first becoming sexually active. Consider perhaps saving something for them. For example, my wife never performed felattio with anyone else before me. About one month into our dating she did this with me, then told me: do you know you are the first guy I ever did that with? She did not know about my issues (that we are discussing now), when she told me that. This does make me feel very special. It felt like such a wonderful emotional and sexual gift!
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