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female
,
*issi
writes: I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy for the last 9 months and we got engaged a few months ago. A few weeks after that he wanted to hang out with some friends and a girl who I knew was trouble. When I asked him not to go he got mad and even though I was sick he argued with me for a whole week. Although he didn't go he complained and fought with me constantly about going out. After all the arguing I started thinking about my ex, who I had left to get into this new relationship. He was a really nice guy but we had different ethnicities and religions and he was still friends with his ex-gfs so that bothered me. Once my boyfriend and I started fighting I thought maybe I had made a mistake leaving my ex, and so I decided not to talk to my boyfriend for about a day. That night I realized that I really did love him and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Things didnt get better and we still fought every day, which was making me very ill. So again the next week I told him I just wanted some time to think. During these breaks I would just talk to my ex who told me that he still loved me even though I had left him. My ex wanted to see me but I felt that was disrespectful to my current boyfriend so although I wanted to see him I didn't go. I felt that although I still liked my ex because he is a wonderful guy, that I was meant to be with my boyfriend. So I told him again that I loved him and would always be with him. The very next day I got a message from my boyfriend's ex saying that he had come to see her about 2 weeks ago and they had ended up hooking up. She said that he had told her he loved her and everything. I confronted my bf when I received the message and he denied it saying that his cousin must have told her everything about us being on a break. My bf didn't talk to his ex because she had cheated on him and had tried very hard to break us up in the beginning. A few hours later he told me he had lied to me for 2 weeks and that he had gone to see her and that she had kissed him. So now I am really confused. I always thought my bf was the right one for me, but I never saw myself marrying someone that had lied and cheated. Plus my ex still says he has feelings for me, but I'm afraid that he will leave me just like I left him. I am so confused and I need advice. Please help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): He cheated on you because his ex kissed him and he confessed to you? You have to think about this alternatively. You're being too one-sided. Have you ever thought it's highly possible your bf knows how you will feel about him seeing his ex, thus making you feel unhappy, and so telling u nothing happened between them was to make you not unhappy?
He told you in the end most likely because he felt that he owe it to you to tell you. I will tell you this because I was once in that situation. Sometimes, people misunderstand each other, because they keep things from each other either for good or otherwise. From experience of course, I rather tell my considerable other upfront than degrade my integrity afterwards because I feel I owe her, etc.
A
female
reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (18 January 2006):
 Dear confused,
My first advice would be to get out of this current relationship. It is clear that he does not treat you right. he lied to you twice, once denying it and second saying that he went to see her. Although his ex might have tried to break you up at the start, I dont think that your bf is completetly innocent. Getting into a marriage where there are already lies is horrible and this event will always be at the back of your mind. Even if you choose to go ahead with this realationship there are going to be many trust issues.
It is quite normal to have feeling for your ex when you are arguing your your bf but if you really want to get back with your ex you have to ask the question "why did i break up with him?" and if you think that you could work through that issue then you might as well give it a go. Just make sure that your feelings a genunine.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): The fact that your boyfriend cheated on you and then lied should tell you much about who he is. If he can do it once we will do it over and over again to you. I'd suggest a break from him - 2 weeks, in order that you can assess your feelings. As long as he's around saying "I love you...." you will not be able to get your head around what happened. I personally think you'd be better off meeting someone new. Forget your old boyfriend too. If he was that great, you would still be with him!
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