A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I appreciate your help in advance. I don’t know what to do with these three men in my life. I’m 40 years old divorced with one child. My ex husband who is trying to take me back and hasn’t moved on 3 years after our divorce. I know the first guy who is a professor, super nice and trying so hard to win my heart for almost a year. He has two kids from his previous marriage which are older than my kid. He is 49 and in some debt from his divorce. He is not good with his finances despite having a great job and being highly educated and teaching in one of the best universities. I do care about love but at my age I’m so tired of facing anymore challenges and I’m looking for stability too. The second guy is 53 he is a scientist and also a professor. He has no children from his previous marriage but he wants to have one. He is very wealthy and looks like a nice guy but not as engaging and funny as the first guy. He is kind of nerdy or maybe because I know the first guy for longer time, not sure. I have to let one of them go. I don’t want to double date as there is a fine line here and I don’t want to cheat on anybody. Who would you date if you were in my position? Thank you for your help!
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (18 December 2017):
You’re divorced for a reason. Unless something has changed dramatically no reason to go back to that. Do you actually like either of the other guys? It sure doesn’t sound like it. It seems you’re more interested in some sort of business deal. So figure out which one has the most earning potential and go with that one.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 December 2017):
 You have your concerns about all of them which to me says none are suitable.
Unless any of them are jumping out at you and you think they can add something to your quality of life then I'd keep looking. From your description it sounds like none of these men are really doing it for you or else you'd already be dating.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 December 2017):
 Well, first of all you have to decide whether there is any future with your ex husband. If not, you need to make that very clear to him so he is not holding out hope and "muddying the waters".
Secondly, why do you not go out on a couple of dates with both the other guys (not at the same time obviously - that would be just weird!)? If you are open with both of them from the start and admit you are seeing other people, then there is no cheating involved. Things may then progress to a point where your choice is easier, at which point you can agree exclusivity with one of them.
It may turn out NEITHER of these guys is right for you, in which case you need to let both of them go. Just because they are the only two on the scene at the moment doesn't necessarily mean either of them is for you. Dating is all about sorting out who you want long term and who is not for you.
Have fun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2017): I would only say that there is nothing wrong with seeing multiple guys at the same time. If you were to go out with all of them, it might only take a few weeks for you to make up your mind.
If you were sleeping with them though, I think that's a different story (although many would disagree with me and say that there's nothing wrong with sleeping with other people as long as you are honest about not being "exclusive")
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2017): I wouldn't date any of them, because I don't think you genuinely care for any of them.
I know you crave stability, but happy relationships do not come from checklists and requirements. They occur naturally, without force. Nothing about what you wrote indicates that you actually care for these men at all, you're just looking for a comfort blanket.
I have an alternative. Date yourself! It sounds corny, but I did this a few years back and it was the best decision of your life. You don't need a man. You don't need anyone. You are a whole, valid person on your own. Take yourself out to dinner, pursue your interests, show your child what it means to love yourself fully and completely. I think you've waited long enough for a full, loving relationship with yourself.
True love will come in time. However, from what you wrote, none of these men are it.
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