A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm so confused about my feelings and think I've made a terrible mistake! I have recently ended a relationship with the most wonderful woman after 2 years! We had a really deep connection and in the beginning the excitement was fantastic as I chased her which resulted in her leaving her long term partner to be with me although I never put her under pressure. I'm not condoning this type of behaviour but I was totally in love with her for a long time before we were together and it wasn't just all about 'the chase' and then I got bored. I absolutely adored her as she was great fun, witty, intelligent, confident and beautiful. She has a child and I absolutely adored him too even though it was difficult at first being around him because I don't have children. Although I could tell my girlfriend I loved her, it bugged her that it was only in response to her telling me and there was no spontaneity in terms of me showing affection. She was very affectionate and made me feel loved, needed, secure and special. Things I have never felt so intensely with anyone else. We both bottled things up though whenever there was a problem and didn't communicate very well.There were issues in the bedroom too! I am unable to ejaculate during intercourse too which has always been an issue for me. We never spoke about this as I don't know what my problem is and I'm embarrassed.She wanted more from our relationship as she needed stability for her son and when she told me that she wanted things to progress I panicked. I've not been as physically attracted to my girlfriend in recent months so I told her it was over when we spoke and blamed the physical side of our relationship and told her I don't fancy her anymore. I have destroyed her and she's devastated. I'm left confused as to how I really feel. I feel I've been so cruel and I've never felt so down in my life as I've hurt someone who is so special to me. I miss her but I think to ask for her back would be bad for both of us as it would be messing her around and I'm not really sure it's what I want.Please help!!!
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 HEY MAN THATS Deep honestly i think you should tell her exactly what you wrote in here its up to her to forgive you and give it another try at any rate dont wait another day tell her now before its to late. as for the ejaculation thing that could be a good thing you wont get her pregnant unless you want kids, then i would say dont be embarassed many men have issues like that you should go see a doctor or specialist about it they may be able to help you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): well, we are not perfect. None of us, but I can see why she may not want to be with you again... and I can't blame her. First because of you she lost /left, whatever you want to call it, her previous relationship... sorry to tell you, but u never know if that was her real love or if that person was really going to make her happy. Obviously you could not. I am not judging you, is just women, specially with kids tent to try to form a family, I admit she may of rushed things, but maybe she thought you were going to commit since you guys lack communication... it is not her fault in that sense... It just makes me angry when you told her that you did not fell physically attracted anymore... well, you also had same problems as well, for what you said, but she was willing to accept this... I would just live her alone and stop being selfish! She needs someone special that can love her as she deserves! sorry men!!!! that is how I fell!
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A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Relationships are so intensely complicated, aren't they? I thought somehow as I got older they would become easier, but it seems they never do.
You sound really sincere and it seems that you genuinely care for this woman. It's sad that things got mixed up along the way because of a lack of communication. Also, it sounds like she wanted to rush things along toward marriage a bit quicker than you wanted. That happens a lot, I think, especially as we grow older. It seems like the proverbial clock is ticking and we tend to rush things sometimes.
The way you ended things was pretty harsh, I must admit. And, if someone said something like that to me, I would be deeply hurt and probably tempted not to speak to you again. However, as I said before, you sound genuine and I believe you when you say you feel deeply for her.
I think you should most definitely write her a note, an e-mail or at a minimum a text message telling her how sorry you are for hurting her. Ask her out for a coffee or lunch and just explain that you weren't sure of yourself and try to show her you care.
You need not try to make plans for getting back together yet. Just apologise first and see where things go. At the very least, it will help her feelings and yours also.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2009):
 I think if you are serious about wanting to commit to her you need to at least TRY and talk to her. Maybe show her this post you wrote - or WRITE her a letter with all that you want to say, but feel you can't.
She might understand and forgive. She might not, but from what you write about her it seems like she is worth the effort and risk.
Then I really suggest that you two work on the communication skills. It truly is key in a relationship.
You were cruel. You have acknowledged it. Now own it and apologize.
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