A
female
age
51-59,
*Sxtra
writes:I need to know if anyone out here "has" had an internet trist with someone you now? Meaning sending "naughty pictures and steamy latters".When I was away on a little trip I met some people that I partied with, got so drunk when we were out, my "friend" whom I wrent to see did not seem to notice that I was "drunk" and that one of her " quaintences" was all over me! As a firend would you not have tried to "remove" your friend from a situation like that? and to make matters more interesting, we left together, would you have tried to stop me from getting out of the car? You know I have a BF for the past 6 yrs and "know" him??I fell asleep with that guy in the same bed, woe up totally clothed, nothing happened, just cuddled. But when my BF found about this he got very upset, I take some blame, but should my friend that knows me take charge of what she knew was not right?I did not have intercourse with this man! But when I got home I continued to talk to him via phone and internet in a suggestive way, I also sent a few pictures of myself. I love me BF very much, I do admit to being a huge flirt, but would never do that to him.The contact with this man ended a week before my BF found out and called it quits? Can anyone relatte to this situation, I really would love some input? VERY SAD....... MSXTRA
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female
reader, jelleybean  +, writes (11 June 2008):
hi there, this is so weird... i just found this website today and posted a post earlier. yes i can relate, only at least for you, you are not married with 3 kids. i feel terrible. my husband travels a lot and i have been desperately lonely for several years. i developed a friendship with a guy from work and we would talk on the phone and/or email for hours. it started innocently enough but one night turned suggestive and we had phone sex. i freaked out and told him i don't think we should talk anymore but he convinced me that it was a joke between friends, nothing more. well, fast forward almost 3 years and the occasional phone sex turned into pictures. i was getting sucked in and didn't seem to notice the slippery slope because i was getting attention i craved. well, last weekend, even though for years we said nothing would ever happen, he ended up at my place and we crossed the line we said we'd never cross. i feel horrible. i'm torn up over probably losing him as a friend, not to mention being unfaithful and finally having to face some unpleasant realities in my marriage. i wish i had some constructive advice for you but i'm just going through the trauma of this too and trying to figure out how to untangle this mess of emotions. at least you know you aren't alone. i think more people fall into this kind of thing b/c it doesn't seem real, so at the time, it doesn't feel wrong. it really feels like you are just playing around. but the consequences are very real, unfortunately. hang in there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): But what type of trouble did you get yourself into? This guy wasn’t some random guy that you picked up at some sleazy bar. You say that she knew the guy. She must have been confident that he wasn’t going to rape you. So now you tell us that you were in a relationship where you wanted more and never got it. Perhaps she thought that you just wanted some affection from a nice guy. Sounds like you got that, without giving him any sex that you would feel sorry for. Sounds like a win-win situation to me, for you and him. It also sounds like you felt the same, since you kept in contact with him.
What country were you in? The US or the UK perhaps? I don’t see where you did so much wrong. If you had a great relationship with your boyfriend then I would say that you cheated. However, it sounds like you don’t have such a great relationship. Were you perhaps looking for what is missing in your current relationship and pursued it and kept pursuing it for a while? I think you have to take a long look at your current relationship and ask yourself if it is what you want. It doesn’t sound like you are perfectly happy with it.
I still see no reason for your friend to have to protect you against yourself. You are old enough to make your own decisions. It sounds like you now think that you did something wrong and don’t want to own up to it. You want to blame someone besides yourself. Well, there is no one to blame but yourself. Hey, I had a one night stand many years ago, while I was dating someone else. I later didn’t feel real good about that. Who do I blame? ME, and only ME. It wasn’t nice of me, because I think that woman expected more than a 1 night stand. She was looking for a relationship and I just took advantage of her. I didn’t intend to and I didn’t realize that until a week or so later or I wouldn’t have done it, but it was entirely my mistake and fault. NO ONE elses. There were friends at the party where I picked her up who knew I was dating someone else. I don’t blame them for what I did and I was your age at the time. I was also looking at my current relationship and deciding what to do with it.
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A
female
reader, MSxtra +, writes (10 June 2008):
MSxtra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK I am not BLAMING my friend, but she has always told me that I need a man to give me more comitment, Why are you still with him! Move on. So when I went to see her it was very easy for her to dictate to me all what she has been telling me for years. All I am saying is that PERHAPS if she was such a GOOD friend like shes told me for many years.
She has never thought I was to be in this relationship since I wanted more and never got it.
I WAS WRONG! I admit that, but just thinking that if I had a friend visit from another country I would see that she did not get into any soet of trouble when she was visiting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): You are trying to put your friend into a difficult situation. Let’s look at the other possibility. What if you were actually looking for another relationship because you boyfriend and you were drifting apart? Your friend doesn’t know about it because you haven’t talked to her about it. So you are being intimate with this guy and your friend thinks that you shouldn’t be doing this and says, “Don’t you think your boyfriend is going to be angry over this?” Now she has just screwed up your possibility of a new relationship and you are here on dearcupid asking us why your friend ruined the possibility of a good new relationship.
You are in your late 30s. If I were your friend, I would think that you knew what you were doing and would let you make your own decision. If you were trying to fight this guy off then she could have intervened and said something, but it sounds like you were having a good time with this guy. I don’t think you would have been very happy if you had wanted to have a good time with him and your friend ruined it. She was in a no win situation. You are old enough to know what you are doing and take responsibility for your own actions.
You also continued to have somewhat of a relationship with this guy after you were sober. Is your friend supposed to stand by you while you are on the computer and sending suggestive photos to this guy also? Where does her responsibility for your actions stop and yours begin? You are an adult. Take responsibility for your own actions, whether drunk or sober.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Wow, your behavior was terrible and got worse. You might be able to put part of the blame on alcohol but what about when you were sober? You admitted all your short comings in your post. Work on those, not your friend. If there is a shadow of doubt in your boyfriends mind about what happened that night.....he is a very wise guy. What you did was wrong and if you lose your boyfriend for good, he has reason on his side.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Hi, I have not been in your situation, I have to be honest. But I'm wondering why you think your friend needs to shoulder more than 0.01% of the blame for this?
You made the choice to drink too much which then led to the subsequent events. But your friend had nothing to do with your internet trysting at all. Sending suggestive pictures and flirtatious letters to another guy isn't a great way of keeping a boyfriend.
When you sobered up, and realized nothing happened, you could have simply walked away and ended it there. Instead, you kept in contact with the guy and presumably got some erotic charge out of the sexy talk and picture exchanging.
Why should your friend take any of the blame for that? It's a bit puzzling to me. Anyway, I expect you'll get some more answers, but I think you need to look at your behavior and accept your own responsibility.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): I think you are trying to put the blame on your friend to ease your own quilt.
Sure, she could have, maybe even should have, but, you are responsible for your own behaviour.
I also think there is something missing in your relationship, being it boredom or whatever, thus the reason you enjoyed this guy and continued flirting etc with him, even after you woke up next to him the next morning. You might be in denail, but I suggest you enjoyed it.
Personally I recommend you have a good look at your relationship, see what was wrong, what was missing, what caused you to behave this way.
Only once you have done some proper retrospection will you be able to find the solution and avoid something similar or worse to happen in the future!
Best wishes.
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