A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i,ve been seeing a guy of 43 for 14mths, i,ve never met his family tho they know of me. were quite close an he,ll spend most of his time with me, then he,ll back off an not contact me for few days.this has carried on all through the relationship.i,ve had lots problems with my teenage kids an he says i have to much drama an as i was so stressed an low he was finding it hard to deal with. when he is not contacting me i send him txts an accuse him of seeing other women.he says why is it always got to be another woman. i got drunk an turned up at his flat on sat night tho he was out i posted a letter id written. later on he came to mine an i asked if he was with someone else an he said no,we had a lovely day out sunday together an he left monday afternoon an ive not saw him since,ive called him but there,s no answer. i love him an i no he thinks something of me but this is hurting me alot inside, an this he knows but do you think he,s testing me? he says id feel happier if i loved myself
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 He has been with you for 14 months (over a year?) and you still have not met his family? Red flag.
He is not serious about you. I think he enjoys your company, likes the sex, and such, but he does not want to make a commitment to you. It could be the kids, the fact he does not want to commit to anyone, or maybe he just does not see a future with you, but rather than tell you straight, he keeps this push-pull tactic to keep you off balance and interested in him.
I suggest that you start seeing other people, and find someone that actually wants to commit to you. You sound like a woman that wants commitment from a partner, and not just another friendship with sex.
-Frank B Kermit
www.frankadviceforwomen.com
A
male
reader, LostInLoveNy  +, writes (10 June 2008):
you know what as a man i would tell you to RELAXX. I think maybe he hasn't introduced you to his family because he is scared of introducing you to his kids and then things dont work out you know and maybe he should have been more conciderate with your problems.... and this is the truth when you are always jealous like you are it makes it hard to be in a relationship TRUST ME i have had my share of jealous times ahhha,but aanyway just try to only think of the good times and keep all that negative thinking to the side and who knows maybe things will get better,and you wont have to sit on his doorstep all night just remember that wonderful day you guys had on sunday and call him and trust him please....hopefullly things work out and keep me posted ok sweetie.. good luck ps:when you think negative....negative things happen,so think positive =)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Honestly, you sound like you have very low self-esteem and some jealousy issues, along with a dramatic family life. I think your boyfriend has given you the best advice that anyone can offer you. You need to learn to love yourself first, before you can expect to be able to accept love from someone else.
I expect that your boyfriend finds the drama exhausting and can only deal with it in little bits, then he has to go off by himself and recharge his own batteries.
Have you considered some counseling to help you deal with this? You're accusing him of cheating with another woman, and maybe it's got some teeny smidgeon of real concern to it, but I think your feeling desperate and low has more to do with it. I don't think he's testing you, I think he's exhausted by the drama and accusations.
Maybe you could ring up your GP and ask to be referred to a counselor to help you sort some of the issues you're facing? I think that might be the best idea.
Take care of yourself!
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