A
male
age
36-40,
*urryd
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now. It's a long distance relationship. Everything was going so well until I realized we don't have much to talk about on the phone. It's the same old stories, so our conversations don't last long. Another thing is, doesn't she need to consult me or seek my views when she wants to do something? Like going on a long trip or out with her friends? I would feel more comfortable with that and trust her more. She tells me after she has already implementd most of her decisions, leaving me to think my opinion doesn't count and sometimes thinking she was with someone else. I always prefer to be in control of things around me. It's one of the reasons I don't feel like talking to her because I get angry. How do I deal with this? Please help.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Perhaps, a girlfriend in your area who you can actually be with would be better advised. That way you can make plans together. As it stands, you're in an imaginary relationship. Maybe you can be happy never seeing the one you "love," but most people can't.
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (12 February 2011):
Okay, you live in Kenya, and maybe things are different there. But most people on this site are Westerners, and to us, it sounds weird to hear you say you want her to consult with you before she goes out with her friends. Modern western women would not put up with that for a minute.
As for the phone conversations, yeah, I was in a long distance relationship for a while and the obligatory phone calls were by far the worst part. Not much else I can say about that.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Ok no she shouldnt need to tell you if she wants to go out with her friends on a night out. Even though you are in a relationship with this woman she is still her own person and she is independant and therefore she should be free to make her own decisions. You say it is a long distant relationship which i gather yes is very hard to work on, but you need to be able to trust her or else there is no point in having a relationship.
If you are an insecure person and you have problems trusting her then i really dont think a long distant relationship is healthy for you as it will just make you even more paranoid. If you dont have trust in a relationship you dont have anything.
Therefore you need to take some time to yourself and think about what you want in a relationship and if this relationship is going anywere between you and your girlfriend. Just remember she is her own person and you cant control her thoughts and decisions she needs to do that herself. Goodluck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): No, she doesn't need to consult you every time she wants to go some where. She's not a child and you're not her parent.
You sound like a control freak and to be honest i don't know why you are staying in this relationship because it doesn't sound like there's much there to begin with.
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