A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I losing my mind. I am so unhappy in my relationship that the only way to keep peace and not to bring up stuff from the past that affects our immediate future is to talk to people with more marital problems than i have and help them solve theirs. At least, I know that although i am depressed and deeply hurt, I am not self-destructive.I talk to my husband about things that hurt me. And he says that he has moved on and does not remember how they came about or what caused them and says that now everything has changed (for him), I should move on. He suggested if I could not move on I should go for a therapy. Alhough, all along I thought because he is the one who caused marital problems he should be the one getting therapy. Who is in a denial here? Does therapy work?p.s. our problems started when from sex every day we went to sex once a month. Now he says if I did not bring up the issue, etc. we would return to a normal life. How can i move on if I don't know what the hell has happened in the first place. He has no answers, he says it just did.
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female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 I think you both need couples counseling to understand what's going on in your sex life. It's highly unusualy for a healthy man in this 30's or 40's to only want sex once a month, unless he's depressed, having an affair, or taking some kind of medication, which has side-effects that zap his libido. I don't know exactly what you are bringing up in the past, that could be affecting how he feels about you, but it sounds like an excuse to hide something bigger that's going on with him. Ask him if he'll consider going with you to counseling. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 You are in this together - you are married - which means the benefits are shared - and the problems are shared - and the responsibility for solving problems is shared.
Not sure if it's therapy that's required or counselling - semantics maybe. But if you can't work through the problems together = then a third party will help guide you through. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 You have a point here. In plain, blunt words, he is telling you to shut up and forget anything happened. He won't discuss it, which would be a way to deal with the issue, whatever it was, and he doesn't really offer anything for the future. His way, or his way.
I'm not sure he needs therapy. He does need to be more honest and deal with issues. And I'm sure you don't need any therapy at all.
My experience is that few problems in a couple result from one of the parties; usually both are involved. It seems it would be hard for you two to deal with this as, apparently, he doesn't bring anything up for discussion.
I'm afraid this problem might not be solved in the future. I think you would need some sort of a "road map" of what to do. You may
a) leave it as it is, silence and all, whatever comes up
b) let him have his way for some time and see if anything improves. If it doesn't, then you would need to decide whether to put up with it, or make it a serious issue that would need his fullest attention.
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