A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,About a year ago I met this girl. At first I became interested in her because she is very, very pretty and an aspiring actress. I am an average looking man. She was not interested but we became friends anyway.As our friendship progressed, I learned more about her--things which troubled me tremendously.For one, she earns extra money by having sex with rich men.For another, she will do almost anything for money: she has no trouble lying to others or breaking her word if it means getting money. A few examples: she will flatter men in order to get them to think she is interested in them and so they will buy her things. One guy bought her a ticket to see a broadway show (for about $140). She lied and said she went, and then sold the ticket.Yet another: she had an affair some months ago with a married man. She may still even be seeing him, I dunno.At this point, I cannot trust anything she says, and it bothers me that she uses men like this.And yet...I know she has had a horrible life. She grew up in poverty, came from a broken home, never felt love from her parents, and has been used by men her whole life because of her looks.Some people tell me she is a sociopath--that she has no conscience whatsoever, and that no matter what you do for her, she will always want more. There is truth to this. They say I should stay away from her.Yet, she has called me her "best friend." Now it is true that she says things to many different people and her words are overblown. But she does share some things with me and sometimes I feel like I am one of the few people who has been kind to her. Maybe God placed me here to help her.Of course, I am aware of the "white knight delusion" that men feel, that they are there to "save" a girl from immoral things. I am old enough to know that I cannot save her. I have tried but she really feels no obligation to anyone but her own desires. But everyone needs a friend they can trust. Maybe I am that friend to her?Now, I do like things about her as a person. She is cute, very intelligent (although sometimes in a cunning way), has a good sense of humor, is interesting to talk to, and I sort of relate to her "outsider" status. But a large part of me is repelled by her character of always looking out for herself and not caring about others. So much of what now keeps me in the relationship is feeling sorry for her.Is this a good enough reason to stay in a relationship? Is it fair to the other person or is it demeaning?Thank you for reading and for your input.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 i am glad for your sake that you seem to know what she is like and are not taken in by the prettiness etc. as long are u are under no illusion that she is a cunning liar. i am sorry for her that she has had a bad life and she must feel awful inside her own head. she would find it more beneficial if she would get the necessary therapy to make this better. be her friend if that is what YOU want to do. just always be careful to not let her take too much from you, emotionally
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you.
I would GREATLY appreciate more responses!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Have you talked with her about all of these thoughts you have? It might be a good idea.
Then depending on her response you can decide what to do.
Are you keeping a friendship with her in the hopes she will have sex with you eventually?
I'm not sure what your motives here are really because if she is as uncaring as you say then why would she care if you are in her life or not?
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A
female
reader, Molly0102  +, writes (26 December 2010):
I had a friend like yours too. She liked to make use of guys to do her favors and then dump them when she gets bored of them or when they are of no value to her anymore. At first I tried talking to her about it but she just wouldn't listen. In the end our friendship didn't work out.
If her character goes against your principals you should talk to her about it. A good friend will listen to you and take your advice to stop that kind of degrading lifestyle. Furthermore, a friendship based of feelings of sympathy will not last long.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Do you want to end up with nothing but heartache as thats the future you face with this woman
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): The best way to be her friend is to write her a letter telling her exactly how you see her, and recommend she get help. Then I would leave and tell her when she gets her act together give me a buzz. You owe her nothing. It's her choice to be as she is. Get away from her before she infects you and makes you evil. Don't hang around and enable her evil.
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