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Should You be Together a Few Years Before you Get Engaged?

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Question - (27 July 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 27 July 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. Everything moved very fast with us, which has suited both of us very well. We'd both been single for about 6 months before we met and got together, I'd moved in to his place after 2 months (it wasn't really planned, it just gradually happened and it dawned on us that I was staying with him every night).

We get on amazingly, and he is very different to other relationships I've had, where I've only really been able to see my boyfriend of the time a few times a week as I liked my independance and own time too much, plus I never wanted to settle down with them. I did live with one boyfriend but it didn't work out and we realised we just weren't right for each other. My boyfriend has also lived with a girlfriend in the past.

We both have said we feel we want to get married, not to say that we are going to run out and get married in Vegas tomorrow, but both of us have felt from day one that we had found The One, and could quite happily see ourselves spending the rest of our lives together.

A friend of mine who is getting divorced (after a year of marriage, and having been with her partner 5 years) said that if we were to get engaged any time soon, we would be making a big mistake.

View related questions: divorce, engaged, moved in

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (27 July 2010):

Honeypie agony auntI think living together for a year or two is a sensible thing to do before considering marriage.

However, I think being evenly matched means more then how long you have known each other.

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A male reader, JayLovesSam United Kingdom +, writes (27 July 2010):

JayLovesSam agony auntHi, its very likely that you are still in the "honey moon" period, your friend says you will be making a mistake?!, POSSIBLY but its not always the case, the "Honeymoon period" can last up to a year, whats the rush in to getting engaged? I would not say your making a mistake but you really need to be sure before doing something as serious as getting married, whats the rush? if your going to spend the rest of your lives together, waiting a little longer will not hurt either of you. If you want to show love to each other why not get eternity rings? I would not rush in to getting married, just incase it is a mistake.

Good luck to both of you

James x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010):

Realistically and ideally, its best if you wait until you decide to make a serious committment.

In my experience, couples who have ended up getting engaged and married have been together for a number of years.

It's good that you too are happy together, however as time progresses circumstances may change or either one of you and you may want different things in the future.

IN MY OPINION, it's still early days in your relationship to be thinking about marriage. So why not just enjoy yourselves and let things run their course, and meet his family!

At the end of the day, it's what you and your partner want and no one can alter your feelings but in the eyes of others. 8 months may be considered too soon to be settling down now.

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