A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please Help! I know its long but i'm desperate...I dont know what to do about my brother. I am a full time University student working full time for the summer even though I am considered as being a student with a permanent disability(due to structural anomalies within my spine).My brother is the type of person who believes that everyone owes him the world. He is extremely lazy and will not help out around the house. He will not work unless someone gives him a job but he will not search for one himself and as such he is always "borrowing" money from our parents.Please understand that I am not trying to be hateful but rather stating the facts.Here is the situation..My parents have left on a well deserved vacation for the first time in 25 years and have left my brother(23) and myself(20) at home. I came home from work yesterday and my brother demanded that I let him use my laptop(which I use solely for university) to chat with his girlfriend as our home computer is down. He specifically said that he wanted to speak to his girlfriend(which he can do on the phone). Had he said he wanted to check his messages for anything work related I would have let him use it(as my mom and I had agreed he could).He became very angry at me for saying "no that isn't what mom and I agreed on" and threatened to smash my laptop-which I sincerely believe he would do as he's done similar things before.Its because of this that I decided to bring my laptop over to my aunts house(who lives down the street) for the week my parents are gone..better safe then sorry. Unfortunately he followed me there and told my aunt he needed to use the computer for work(which is not what he told me) so she let him use hers. He was so angry that he was calling me names to my aunt. She recommended I stay there for the night in which I agreed. He left and went home. later on I received a test message from a friend asking if I was alright as my brother had posted on his social network that "My little sister is a F******g B***h and should be slapped my a Gimpy prostitute as she deserves". I dropped by my house this morning to check on our cats and he saw me and said "not talking to you...I'm not talking to you".So that is where things stand. I dont know what to do. I would rather not stay at my aunts all week but he is being unreasonable about this and doesn't want me back home. I am also worried that if I did go back and happened to make him angry that he would take to destroying my things. I would like to see this resolved before my parents return from their vacation(they have enough to deal with) but I dont see how..please help.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 This is not your problem, but your brothers. He is extremely immature and childish. Jeez. Don't play his game, just raise yourself above it and walk with your back straight. Don't let him get to you. Show him how adults treat kids like him, and do as you have so far: print it out, report it, and show it to your parents. Also a very clever move to take your lap-top to your aunts as your brother might give it viruses just out of spite.
He sounds horrible. Don't sink down to his level. Be cool about it and deal with it gracefully. I am sure he is just trying to provoke a reaction out of you with these tantrums he is throwing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much I really appreciate the advice.
My aunt wasn't impressed by his attitude or comments and was extermely unhappy with the facebook comments that he posted as it was done on her computer while he supossedly was checking his e-mail for work related messages(at least that is what he told her)
Ive reported his comments to Facebook as cyber bullying So hopefully they'll remove it. Ive printed is Facebook home page with the hateful comments to put in a folder I will be presenting to my parents upon they're return.
I'm going to get a new locking door knob and I will install it tonight if possible. I'll try to bring all items around the house that belong to me into my room to keep under lock and key. If my brother says anything about it I'll tell warn him that should he touch anything of mine in a violent way that I will call the cops-family or not. I'm hoping this will work because I would rather stay at home but if it doesn't I'll stay with my aunt... at least I will have tried.. and secured my valuables.
Thank you and if anyone should have any other advice please let me know.. I still have to explain this to my parents..
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 You did the right thing by going to your aunt's house--your brother's sense of entitlement is astounding! It sounds like he's jealous of you; you're going to university, working full-time and doing something with your life. He probably wishes he had your life and your opportunities and resents you for it.
But that's his problem. Go home if you want--he doesn't have the right to tell you that you can't be there and you don't need to live in fear of him. If he's not talking to you, that's fine. Leave your laptop at your aunt's house, though, and if he gets out of control or smashes your things don't hesitate to call the police. If he chooses to escalate his behavior towards you, he has to feel the consequences and understand that he cannot bully you. Once you show him that you are not intimidated, he'll back off. Hopefully things won't get to this level, and he'll calm down on his own.
As far as the FB comment, it really makes him look juvenile. I doubt any of his friends are impressed by a 23 year old man saying such horrible things about his little sister. It really shows a lack of class on his part. Ignore it. He's trying to bait you into a war of words.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Stay at your aunts. Print out all his rants and bring it up in front of your parents when they get home. I wouldn't try and confront him with out "back-up". What did you aunt say to the abuse he was throwing at you in her house?
He seems like quite the jerk. I think he is actually more mad at himself for being such a loser that he has to borrow his little sisters laptop.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Block him om facebook. It's easy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): How would you handle this if he were a complete stranger; like out of nowhere treated you this way? Would you report it to Facebook? Warn him that his abuse will be met with proper punishment?
This is not a negotiation with him. He is abusing you. You don't negotiate abuse recovery, you take it into your own hands and protect yourself.
I would stay in my own house, and if he abused me, I would warn him I am calling the police upon his next offense, and then I would. Block him from Facebook, and ignore him to the point where you literally look right past him and pretend he is not even in the room. Don't take his calls, don't open electronic messages, delete them, and make sure to clearly describe his actions to your parents, the homeowners. Put a keyed lock on your bedroom door, and handle all his violations exactly how you would handle it from a complete stranger.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 July 2010):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism
Is this your brother? Sounds like it. The problem is, my father is like this. And has been for all my life. You can't deal with people like this. In the end, you may well find cutting him out of your life is your best option. Sounds harsh, I know. But as long as you engage with people like this, you'll never get away. I also think you need to speak to your parents about this. His behaviour is not acceptable.
But, like I say, there is really nothing you can do to stop this other than cut him out.
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