A
female
age
30-35,
*ircle-of-light
writes:Hey, I was hoping if someone could give me advice. I dont really know what to do. My boyfriend is going off to uni in about 4-5 months. We've been going out for quite a while, and we've been discussing what to do whether to: stay together when he goes to uni, break up or go on a break. I don't really want to go on a break so it's difficult to decide between breaking up or staying together. We both know that it will be difficult to keep the relationship going, as he will only be back on holidays (e.g. christmas, easter and summer). Although both of us would never intentionally cheat on one another, things happen. We dont want to end the relationship, as we both really love each other, but at the same time, we know that most long distance relationships never really work out. Could someone give advice. Has someone else been in a similar situation?
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female
reader, Sunset0000 +, writes (10 May 2007):
Hi
I have had my fair share of long distance relationships. The first 2 my boyfriends lived about 4 hours away from me. I did have huge problems with them becauseI msised my boyfriend and also because I worried alot, although loving him dearly I worried about what he was doing as I never really saw him in his every day life. We did manage to see each other every few weeks though and emailed/ text/ phoned a lot and even wrote letters which was really nice and romantic. But the worry from my side eventually split us up. Now though, I'm in a relationship with someone who lives 1 and a half hours away. I see him every 2- 3 weeks at weekends and sometimes take some time off work and stay over a bit longer. I've been with him for 2 and a half years now and as times gone on it's got a lot easier to stop worrying about things. So although it can be hard sometimes, it can also be done. I think Hannieseds is right, you have to think about whether you can trust each other and whether you could stay committed to him even if you are hardly seeing him without being tempted by anyone else. If you truly love each other it can be done.
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (6 May 2007):
 Hi there.
Long distance relationships DO work! You just have to have a very stable and trusting foundation before you can even consider it.
You are very young to be thinking about long-distance because it is one of the hardest things to do if you have any trust issues, but it CAN work if you are both willing to give it 100%. But I don't think you two are ready based on what you said in your question. You think 'things happen' in regards to cheating? If you are already thinking that neither of you can be faithful, or if you think the other will 'unintentionally' (How can you unintentionally cheat?) cheat, then I'm sorry to say you will just spend your days and nights worrying about what the other is doing. That is not healthy when you are so young and you are just starting your life.
I did the long distance thing when I was 18 for 2 years and I went to a different country! Not once did I question trusting my BF 16,000 miles away, and neither did he. It was the easiest thing in the world to do really since we had a long history of friendship and we didn't doubt each other. We are still together 6 years on.
So my advice to you is to think about how you will cope if 3 months into this you can't get hold of him oneday, or even for a whole weekend. Will you immediately start thinking the worse first before talking to him? Will you start questioning his loyalty? If you think you will, then long distance isn't for you. If you think you can trust him 100% and if you can't reach him when you want to you won't panic, then go for it! You can always try and if the both of you are finding it too difficult, then you can reassess things.
xxx
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A
female
reader, agony_emz +, writes (6 May 2007):
 long distance relationships never work! i think that splitting from the relationship is the best thing to do, it will be hard but the best for both of you! you both will only see each other on holidays like you say and both of you will change while being away from each other and end up hating each other! your both going to be in different stages of your life and you are both young! it would be better to stay friends than end up hating each other as arguements will accure while you both are apart! hope it works out for you either way!
good luck x
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