A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband always talks about woman in front of me. Well we decided to have an open relationship... well i think it has gone too far, i feel for someone else very strongly. My husband is great, but it has been 10 years and i find so much frustruation. We have 2 kids, i know i should not stay together for them? help Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for both of your kind hearts.. i guess it is something i need to clearly think through,
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 Dear poster, sometimes we can fall out of love, for perfectly good reasons. My guess is that it was he who suggested an open marriage. I think that would be a very good reason to fall out of love.
It is clear that you don't want to hurt anyone. In that picture, include yourself. You also deserve your own attention. Sometimes, staying at home for the sake of children is worse, as it gives them a bad example: it gives a bad image of what married life should be like.
I'm sad to say that you have to choose an evil. There is no perfect answer to your situation.
I also have another feeling. We get married for reasons of our own. That is to say, we consider what we want and what we will get. I'm not to say that children are not important in a marriage, but I have the suspicion that, since you have run out of reasons to stay married that will only have to do with YOU, and what you feel, then your last resort is "staying married for the kids". I can't know for sure, and perhaps I'm speaking nonsense. You know better.
I hope I helped you. I think you should also wait a little while, to receive more opinions from other people.
My heart is with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): im 15 and my parents divorced when i was 6i still remember some of the arguments and they werent prettyi dont particularly mind having divorced parents, i mean it can get annoying going from house to house n so on...but on the wole its not so badi wouldnt stay together for the sake of the kids, because, like me, if you divorce when theyre younger they wont understand properly and adjust quicker and easier...the teenage years are the worst to break up - my step brothers grades suffered A LOT since he was about 13/14 when my ste dad and his first wife broke up.similarly, i have a friend whos parents broke up when he was 18, he now has no relationship with his father and little with his mother.i feel that you should break up, for the sake of the kids.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind words.. i am so confused if i really loved my husband why would i feel for someone else..? i do not want to hurt anyone.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (15 September 2008):
I'm afraid it's never easy to tell whether two people should stay married for the sake of kids. Opinions will vary and perhaps this reflects different family situations.
Some people say that children benefit from the parents staying together, as they don't have to deal with all the problems that come with divorce. Personally, I think that what actually happens is that these children deal with a different set of problems. Their parents don't love one another, and that shows. Sometimes, as in your case, the parents get involved with other people, more or less openly. Because a decision has been made to stay married, that is to say, never to end the marriage and move in with the other person, then the flings or mistresses or long relationships end, and another person comes along. And so on.
I don't mention the whole load of problems that happen to children of divorced couples because I think they are well known, and, also, because I have a bias here.
A person I met waited until his last daugher turned 18 to divorce the mother. It turned out that all three daughters were angry with their father when he told them he was divorcing the mother. Their question was "What took you so long?" That is to say, the children, in whose name he supposed he was acting, would have preferred a quick divorce.
Another friend of mine had a father and a mother at home. Everyone knew, however, that the father had two mistresses, and, also, that he never slept with the mother. He slept in a different room, with one of the boys. I am the son of very bitterly divorced parents. I prefer my situation over that of my friend's.
The decision is yours. I guess the one answer I can give you here is that I personally prefer divorce, in these circumstances, and, also, that you have to decide what set or problems your children will face and which one they are better prepared to cope with.
Hope this helps.
...............................
|
