A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Before I start, thanks in advance for any time you take to reply! :-)My b/friend and I have been dating for about a year now. When we first met, as is always the case, he was super damn hot in his fiery sms's, telling me the sexiest things! He still does occassionally now, but it is up and down. He gets very stressed at work and has some physical health stuff that mean he's not always in top form. We also have about 8 years difference, with him being older and I sometimes wonder if I'm at my prime with this sexy texting stuff, where he doesn't see mcuh into it. Yes! I know I should talk to him about it, but was also wondering if maybe our relationship has reached a bit of a rut. I spend an awful lot of time at his, because I prefer his place and love being next to him. I still do my own thing, but when we both have days off, we tend to spend them together and I've gotten into the horrible habit of not being able to say "I just wanna do my own thing", simply because I love being with him. Nope, not in a clingy way as I often will say to him, do you want time out and he'll say no, more often than yes, but I get the sense that maybe I should just tone things down to spice things back up? I was recently sick and spent the 4 days at his, which meant he was privvy to quite a few cough-splutter episodes! He was great about it all and I know it's coupledome is about seeing the best and worst, but guys, can seeing us like that make you lose some interest? Even for a bit?I am wondeirng if I should just spend some time in the next few days hanging out with g/friends and doing my own thing and creating some natural distance between us? It's not completely out of the ordinary as I often have quite a few catch-ups on, but is this prime time to arrange some time apart, without saying as much to him? Sorry, this is somewhat convoluted, but I think the message is there :-)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): I personally like to spend some time apart from my partners, I guess its up to your own tastes but however much I love someone I don't want to be with them 24/7. I suppose I also am lucky to have many good friends and I think its important to maintain those relationships too, you never know when you might need them!! (to put it very selfishly).
I think you should discuss it as this is a new thing to your relationship, but yes, I think it could strengthen the relationship if you both agree ("absence makes..." and all that) Good luck.
A
female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 Distances does usually help as you crave that person, not being around them not having sex for awhile..then when you both meet up your both usually wanting it bad, try it if this doesnt work then it might be more serious issues like stress and work etc which always puts people off sex! So have a talk with him, have some space and during that space send him some naughty texts or emails get him thinking about you, and hopefully as he wont be seeing you as much it will drive him wild!
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A
male
reader, Dreamlover  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 Hey there, you sound bright and very interlectual.
It seems like you want more, there is nothign wrong with it but remember relationships dont always have that effect they did 6 months into it.
What concerns me is that you mentioned 'clingy' dont feel that way at all but in the same breath you do need time for yourself and your GF's as well.
So why dont you one day when you both day off spend the day with your GF, see his reaction and maybe meet up with him later that night.
I dont like the word distance but you do need your own space. Just dont take too much..
good luck
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