A
female
age
30-35,
*riya sen
writes:I m 23 and he is 25 want to get married but my parents are not allowing me we were in relationship from last 11year now we are trying to run away should we do that just because of caste problem my family members are not allowing me ?please help me out because we love each other very much Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 Check whether you have the money to be able to support each other without the help of your parents.
I know what its like to have disapproving parents too so i understand.
If you dont have the money yet just wait a while till you do, you dont have to get married straight away and since you have been together ages anyway it wont hurt to wait.
If you two both make each other happy just set yourselves up so that you dont crash and burn and have to go back to your parents cause it didnt work out in the end.
I wish you the best of luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): As a girl in love , i can understand your feelings and relate to it very well.however, being an indian, i know what it is for us ,and for our parents not accepting the relationship.you have your freedom to live your life the way you want to ..but life does not go the way you want it to. it will not, if you run away. i strongly suggest that you plead with your parents, threaten to stay single ..what so ever .but not run away.FIRST.the rule for anyone is , that if you knew that the relationship is a forbidden one, especially inter-religious ..you should never ever get into it..because it not only causes great tension in family ties but also,..if you runaway its going to have serious consequences on your marital life. i warn you that i have seen every couple who run away end up in a divorce after being in love for 10 yrs, 12 yrs 15 yrs, they run away ..get married and divorce in a few months/years..how ever lovers who marry with the acceptance and permission of their families..mostly have a successful marriage. this is because, running away leads to further problems. the one you are facing now can be over come with a little patience , faith , convincing etc. you eloping away with someone disregarding your parents' well wishes , will not make your man respect you in the future, he is a man,indian one and will ultimately blame you for his severed family ties. I have observed the mentality of indian men.they don't tell it out and hide it in the process of trying to look modern and westernized but in reality these men are sub-consciously judgemental.i will give you a 100 % assurance that he will not be satisfied with life if you run away. man is the family head in our patriarchal up bringing and hence he will feel overwhelmed with all the social unacceptance and lack of family support. in our society where parents spoon feed and bring up their children even through adulthood until they are able to be independent with the best possible support, it does not end there ..when he sees other men of his age getting their parents attention, relatives acceptance ,he will begin to miss his roots and get frustrated . and its no different for you , you'll also feel frustrated . when you see people around having a psychological comfort ,peace of mind which you don't, it will naturally depress you. trust me. i love my boyfriend .he belongs to a different caste ..more over i come from a brahmin family. my parents will allow us to get married in future as they are broad minded . but if i knew that they won't accept , then i wouldn't have been in this relationship because its pointless. even if i go against them and marry someone, i'll have hell of a life with a man who is frustrated with life.and running away is unthinkable!i'd never go down to that level and give a heartache to the ones whose blood and flesh i am.if i marry i will marry him . and if i marry i will marry with both our parents' acceptance. i'm not giving up on both.in the indian way of life ...how your man treats you ,thinks and feels about you will depend on how much value you place for your and his family.if you don't show that you are a family girl ,things won't work out in the long run.people change in their opinions depending on their experiences. today he'd say "come lets elope" and tomorrow he'll blame you as well as himself for the overall loss.do you think that running away will give you peace of mind? no..it will give you more self-inflicting pain.its an act which cannot be corrected.it will shame your parents and his people like to be respected. the only way you can put things in place is by convincing them. please don't do the mistake of eloping with your lover. it will be a huge damage to your marriage, your happiness..future, children, everything...love teaches you to love and make a strong bond, not break other important bonds ,hurt everyone else ,resulting in a weak bond between both of you .that kind of marriage does not stay. because it needs more than just love. there is no taste in mere survival of love ..you should be able to live love, only then it can last.because once you get used to living with each other, and find no more excitement in it...you'll only be able to see what you've lost and don't have now. that's human nature..can't help...don't just get blinded by love..life is a potpourri of many factors . not just you and you man.doesn't work out that way!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 How long have you and him been in a relationship, and how is this relationship working? Where will you run away, do you have any idea? Will he marry you if you run away? Will he take care of you? Because if you run away with him you will not have your family any longer. Are you ready to give up on your family for his sake? Is he willing to give up his family as well?
Love is not enough to have a good and lasting relationship. What will happen if you and him stop loving each other? Love does not last forever, it can fade if you do not take good care of it. And what if, God forbid, he dies? Then you have no family, and no husband.
Think about this carefully, and think ahead into the future, and how your future will look if you run away. If you think this is worth the risk, and if you feel in your heart that this is the right choice, then no one can stop you. But I think the reason you are asking others what you should do is because you do not want to run away with him. A part of you wants it, but a part of you doesn't.
Will you lose him if you do not run away with him? You have somehow managed to stay together. Can you not continue as you have?
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A
female
reader, samaira +, writes (19 May 2012):
Dear running away is not the solution. It might not be worth in the long run. you need to struggle to get your love but i am sure, you will succeed. just show faith in God and give your best to convince your family.
Your parents aren't worth leaving for a relationship.
Talk it out and get it solved but don't damage your parents emotions, they must have done a lot for you.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 you both are adults, not kids. your parents are parents and as long as you are under their roof they will look at you as their kid, and not an adult.
have you ask why they don't want you to marry this man?
is there a reason why they would not want you to marry him?
first off is he the one you cant live without, or is he just some one you could live with.
if he is someone you cant live without ,you probably answered your own question.
only you and your b/f can make a decision to marry, or make family happy and be kept apart.
it all comes down to do you two want to spend your lives together or apart.
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