A
male
age
30-35,
*elp90
writes:Okay, sorry if this becomes long but I think I need to get it all out so you folks can better judge the situation So, I’m 24 and the girl in question is 23 still at university (I graduated before her) – I have known this girl for 2 years or more and we have always had a more than ‘just friends’ feeling if you know what I mean. I’ve always been there for her and she has been for me too. We have shared many things together and I know her on a personal level (personal issues that she trusted me with and I’d support her through hard times) As time went on we became very close, as close as we could be (she lives in another city for her studies about an hour away) – we used to text literally all day every day and we’d talk over the phone for hours on end, I mean just talking about anything and everything. We were so comfortable with each other it never felt awkward at all. So time goes by and she asks me if I wanted to spend some time with her and we made plans to meet. I ended up staying a weekend and it was great! Things could not have gone better – we were very close and intimate and it was just nice, we spent time together, laughing and joking. Things got very cosy and we just sat cuddling and I’d play with her hair etc. As she was lying across my legs she looked up to me and I kept her gaze, I remember her exact words of “I could just get lost in your eyes” I took this chance to make a move and I leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. She followed my lead and we spent a lot of time after that kissing and cuddling etc. Things got intimate during the weekend and we had sex twice. After the weekend we both missed each other very much and she would send me photos of herself (not rude, just her pulling silly faces or sad ones saying she missed me) Time went on and we carried on talking as usual. We had many conversations about how we’d make things work and how we would meet again for another weekend. We did meet again and it was just as lovely as the first time we met – the same level of intimacy and again we had sex (all safe and sensible of course) I left for home and we had a few texts back and forth. Recently after that weekend though I noticed things hadn’t been the same – just got a feeling someone was up. When we talked about it I asked her and she said that she couldn’t have a relationship at the moment due to her studies and she wasn’t sure where her life was going and what she wanted, she was close to tears and I have to admit so was I (because I care so much about her and everything was going so well) As time went on I randomly checked my facebook and she had removed me as a friend but added me back – I asked what it was all about and she said her friend (female) suggested it as a way to move on from me if she wasn’t ready for a commitment but she added me back a few minutes later and explained that she just couldn’t do it and didn’t want to be without me. I did ask if we could meet again just to see how things felt but she was adamant that it wasn’t going to happen, I asked her how she felt about me and she straight out told me she loved me and that I was perfect but she was being a twat and was confused. We carried on talking but she was distant – I thought she just wanted to be friends or something. As time went on things got a bit tense between us as you would expect and she said it wasn’t fair on me that I wanted a relationship and she wasn’t sure so she said to cut all ties and removed me from facebook again. She added me again the next day and asked how I was and we slowly talked it out and decided to stay friends (to me something must’ve been there to make her want to add me again and chat without being prompted by me in any way. I didn’t say this too her as I thought bringing it all up again would push her away) so we carried on talking here and there. Recently we have been talking a hell of a lot more. Via facebook and text etc. Very recently we decided to see how it would feel to talk on the phone (we had put this off in case it was awkward or upsetting) We spoke a while (it was late and we were both in bed) She said that she missed my voice and that she can’t explain it but when she hears it, it calms her down and makes her feel content. I’ve noticed the way we talk now is slowly going back to how it used to be. I noticed she started calling me all the old cute nicknames that she used to whereas before she purposely didn’t call me anything sweet in an attempt to cool things down. Today she called me like 3 times. The first time was because I text her the night before and she fell asleep so she called me to talk instead of texting and explained why she hadn’t replied etc etc … she rang me again just to talk again and another time because she was waiting for a train and just wanted to talk because she was annoyed about something. We have also been texting every so often throughout the evening. Also – she’d going on holiday soon and I text her asking if she’s gunna miss talking to me, as a joke and she said she will try to get in touch if and when she can (I’m thinking if she didn’t have feelings for me and I was just a friend she wouldn’t go through all that trouble) – I also asked her once more if maybe some point down the line we could meet up again (I was worried she’d say no like last time) but this time she didn’t rule it out but couldn’t right now as she’s got a lot on – but she didn’t say no. I’m not reading too much into it as I know her too well, I know if she didn’t want to or thought it would be a bad idea she would say like before – something is telling me that further down the line she will consider seeing me again. So what do you guys think? After everything we seem to be getting on like we used to and we’ve been talking a lot and she has actively phoned me to talk (sometimes without me asking for a chat etc) I can’t shake off the feeling that there is still something there between us and perhaps at the time she was scared to have a relationship or commitment (she’s never been in one) I dunno, just feels like there is still a spark – some hope. I think the best thing to do is to take things slow and see where it goes? I don’t want to push her or be needy etc so I don’t want to keep bringing up the topic of meeting. I just want to talk to her and remind her that I’m still the same nice guy she got involved with in the first place. Any insight or input would be great! Y’know when there’s just something is telling you there is still something there and it won’t go away! Do you think she still has feelings for me? I’m not one to be over-dramatic or one to look into things for things that aren’t there so I don’t just think it’s me? Thanks a lot folks.
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male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (7 June 2014):
As usual, I agree with the WiseOwlE. She seems like the right kinda girl you'd want to be involved with and she seems to be sticking around after everything.Pace yourself and take time - the fact you want to do it slowly is excellent! So many tomes people try to plead and beg etc. Take it at her pace, you're clearly just being yourself and through it all see keeps coming back to you. This is a positive and encouraging outlook! She certainly cares a hell of a lot about you buddy.Just don't blow it now you're slowly getting back to how it used to be - you're doing right be just being light and jokey and not begging her to reconsider etc. The fact she didn't say no to seeing you again also is a great sign. Just be cool with it and continue to remind her what a nice, funny and caring guy you are!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): I think she is smart and not letting her heart get ahead of her.
She is focused and intent on finishing her education and not letting a relationship distract her; like many young women her age foolishly do. She knows what she wants. She also knows how to pace the connection between you; so you won't pressure her. When she has told you time and time again; she is not ready for a commitment just yet. You are willful, and a little pushy.
You say you want to take it slowly; but with her, it's not just words, but it's in her actions.
I clearly read her, and I commend her on being very wise for her years. Others may see differently. Someone pushy or needy would say she was toying with you, or leading you on. That would be a flat out lie. She has told you more than once she is not ready for a commitment. I give advice for people to do just that. As a young college student, she should keep her options open. She should enjoy her freedom, and take romance in reasonable doses.
My guess, there is someone older keeping her head where it should be. Guiding and advising her. She is looking forward to a career, and a relationship could easily throw her off-track right now. She knows her studies would suffer if she was too busy cultivating a relationship, when she is still in the midst of her education. It demands of her time and full concentration. She doesn't have time for daydreaming and exchanging text messages all day.
She had never let you down as a friend, and she has always been extremely sweet to you. That is good reason to care for her; but if you really care, let her come willingly and when she's ready. Allow her space to breathe.
She knows she could easily fall for you; but then she could lose focus on her studies. She needs time to mature and still enjoy her youth and freedom. Not be tied-down before she has completed her college experience. You're caught-up in the romantic aspects of all this; but you're also finished with your education. I also suspect her parents are keeping her concentration on school, not spending all her time and waking moments with you.
You should take it slow. You should not allow your feelings to rush ahead of you; so that if things don't turn out the way you want them to, you will not be totally devastated.
She is more mature; because she knows when to pull back and refocus.
She is very young, and she will be quite fickle and confusing in her approach to finding her way. She also knows how important completing her education is. This is the point you seem to be overlooking. Don't just say you're taking it slow, trying doing it.
I'm pulling for you. Hoping things will end the way you want them to. Just allow things to come full circle without placing too much pressure on her. There is a reason why she is taking her time.
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