A
female
age
26-29,
*eile
writes:I have been dating this guy for 5 months, and we are in a committed relationship.I have always believed in him and trusted him,But, my trust in him is disintegrating.He asked me a question through text, whether I have thought about breaking up with me, I said no.I asked him the same question, and he said once, due to a certain conflict we had.And afterwards, he asked me whether I had even thought of ditching him for a better-looking one.I said no, and for him he said he did felt like once.Why is he asking me all of those questions?Is this normal to ask?How should I react after hearing all this questions?:1) Pull away from him and let him regain my attention while I live my life?2)Treat him coldly till he realises.3) Act like nothing happened and be my normal self4)I don't know. I'm open to suggestions.I do love him, but after he said all of that, I feel like breaking up with him.He told me about spending the future and proposing to me one day. But really, I don't feel touched anymore.What should I do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): If you're upset with someone, you should talk to them directly and honestly, not play mind games.
What you've listed as possible options, all fall under the 'mind games' category: withdrawing but without saying why, giving someone the cold shoulder but without saying why, act like nothing happened even though inside you actually do want things to be different.
when you play mind games, the other person probably will sense that you're upset at them but they won't know why or what exactly you want them to do since you're not saying. This can lead them to think "well if that's how she's going to behave, I'll just do the same back to her" and then it just gets childish and even more infuriating. Then you're plotting how to do more outlandish things like silent treatment for weeks on end maybe. What's the point in that? it doesn't make you feel any better either.
If you have a problem with someone, then take it to them directly. But there is an art to doing this so it doesn't backfire too. Screaming, crying, insulting, accusing, getting all emotional, is NOT communicating or talking directly and honestly. You have to have self control, remain calm, choose your words carefully, so you can express how you feel and what you would like the other person to do but without getting all nasty. And then you have to be truly able to listen to the other person's side of the story and see if maybe you are part of the problem. Even then, realize that not all relationships are meant to last, but even if yours doesn't, you can still make the end of it as 'good' as possible with the least amount of stress and negativity.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 First thing I have to say is DO NOT have serious conversations via TEXT messages. When he sent you a text about breaking up the response should have been “we should talk about this in person”
You should react to these questions the way you are most comfortable being yourself… do not plan and scheme and play games.
At your age,I’m betting he’s seen someone that has caught his eye… you guys are young and while it’s fun to dream about being together forever and getting married etc.. the probability is that you will not make it that far. Teen years are for shopping around… figuring out what you want… teens are fickle as they figure out who they are in the world. You have to know who you are before you can figure out what you want in a person. What you want now is not what you will want in ten years. I can promise you that.
Personally I advise you to not worry so much about the future and rather, just enjoy the present.
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A
female
reader, Candycane1234  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 And afterwards, he asked me whether I had even thought of ditching him for a better-looking one.
I said no, and for him he said he did felt like once.
that is just odd why woud someone say that?
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 I'm all for honesty in a relationship, but some things you just don't need to hear or know. No matter how gorgeous you are, there is always going to be someone who is better looking. Or smarter. Or funnier, etc. That's something we already know, but when someone confirms that for you, it's just hurtful.
I don't know if he's just being honest, or he's trying to hint at some doubts he's having about you and/or the relationship. I wouldn't act any differently towards him because of this, but I'd definitely start asking some questions of my own.
Tell him how what he's said has made you feel. Give him a little honesty of your own. Don't play any games though, as that will just make things worse. Be mature about it.
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