A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating a while now about a year and we were both obese and I got really fit and joined the army, now im back on leave and she wants to get married in the next week but I dont feel attracted to her anymore, she doesnt care about herself very much, but I still care about her im just not attracted to her physicly. She is the only girl ive ever been with so I kind of want to see what else is out there but I feel really bad if I had to hurt her but I would hate to live unhappy or wondering what im missing out on. So im wondering if I should get married or break up with her? Its like I have an ultimatum, theres also this other girl that I like and she likes me to so that kind of pushes me towards breaking up with my girlfriend because I would never cheat. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lonely-paralegal +, writes (26 December 2010):
Do not get married! I need to be honest and say that I think you're being selfish. You really do not love her if the weight bothers you. Especially since you were both overweight from day one. Why not just help her lose weight instead of dumping her? Also if you loved her then you would never even think of being with another girl. That goes for any age, 18 or 48 it doesn't matter, love is blind to the eye on that kind of thing.
A
female
reader, MrsTetzlaff +, writes (26 December 2010):
leave her. if she doesn't care about herself, there is no guarantee that she ever really cared about you. people who don't love themselves have a hard time loving other people.
i know this because it is a problem i have struggled with for years. not the obese part, but the loving yourself part.
it sounds to me like you were with her because you felt like you had to be. now that you've changed your life, your feelings have changed, and why stay with someone you don't actually love. believe me when i say that if you really love someone, it won't matter what they look like. :-)
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A
female
reader, SweetindianGirl +, writes (26 December 2010):
youre 21....you have another 3-4 yrs to find the one. take it easy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): You have moved on and your girl friend is still in the same place. Let her go, you can't marry someone because you don't want to hurt her. You will only hurt her later on anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Whether you are attracted to her or not, you say you want to see what else is out there so it doesn't sound like you are ready for that kind of commitment.
I think you need to tell your girlfriend everything because marriage just won't work.
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