A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here is my situation, after having dated a girl for a 6 months, we had to separate because we live in different countries. We tried the long distance thing for a while but she ended it because she wasn't ready for the commitment and she had to get her life in order first. I hate that but I understand why she did it and maybe for the moment it is the best thing for us. We both agreed that we don't know what will happen in a year or two (i plan on living in her country), but for now we're over as a couple.My question is, what now? Should we be friends, casual acquaintances or nothing at all? I love her very much but she doesn't love me, but she has very strong feelings for me. We both care still. We first thought about taking a break with no contact at all but then agreed on being friends since we both understand we can't be for the moment.This led to virtually the same type of contact (still flirting and explicit convos) as before without all the intimate goodbyes and hellos and no more skype daily. However, this cannot go on forever since we will both be busy with school soon and we will not be able to find time for each other, especially since we're not dating. I love her and its better for me to keep in touch with her as much as I can, even if we aren't together, it makes me happier.But, is it going to get worse in the long run. She told me she won't be dating for a while after me, but what if she meets somebody, I will find out eventually. And I still want to talk to her everytime I am on skype but after a while it will just be clingy, even if she wants to talk to me. On the other hand, if we take a break chances are we will never have the same type of connection ever again, even if we're just friends because we'll be afraid of pushing the boundry.So what should I do? On one hand, if i keep in touch and keep the same type of contact as now maybe it will not let either of us get over each other and we can wait out the year and be together. Or, I can cut off all contact and move on with my life. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aemita  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 That's not good! I mean keeping the same contact, yet the both of you are obviously not together any more. I don't want to come across as harsh or something like that.. but I for one, would consider taking it slow or just cut loose the contact. If you say you love each other so much, trust me, contact or no contact.. you'll find a way back to each other. Your conscience is being very reasonable... you answered your own question actually. You definitely know that if you will continue the contact, it will be hard for the both of you to actually let go of each other, or 'get over each other'. And at this point and time (you have mentioned she needs to get order in her life) that's the BEST thing you should/could do!Let her breath, take a deep breath yourself and try to see the big picture here. You're in different countries, she still needs to explore her own life and to get things straight.. she doesn't need all the pressure and all the 'what ifs' hanging across her head (or yours for that matter). You both need to move on with your own life. That's exactly what she already does.. she makes order in hers. You should do the exact same thing.If the love between you guys is worth it, you'll find a way to be together in the future. But because we are not living in the future, i'd say concentrate to make the best out of your (both) present. Take is one step at a time, and make the right decision for NOW/today.. not tomorrow(because tomorrow is relative and indecisive). Take care dear! ^_~
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