A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have a question, but I dont know if I am being silly or if I genuinely do have a point. Ive been going out with my bf now for almost 10 months and I really do love him and he tells me all the time when he sees me and he is ever so sweet and is completely honest too.But, I went out with a guy for four years before I met my boyfriend. I am used to getting a wee text in the morning or lots of texts thro the day. But, my new boyfriend is not a phone person and I really dont like it. I hate the fact that if i dont text him first some days I know he wont contact me until the next day as he believes there should be no contact for two days at least.I have spoke to him about it and he appolgises and says he just isnt a phone person and that he doesnt get many texts and he isnt used to using to texting alot, but, surely he should make some effort sometimes? I am not a phone person, sometimes when I get texts I ignore them or text back hours later, but when my bf texts me I text him back within a reasonable time distance and I will never ignore his texts. when i do speak to him, he says he is sorry and that he will text more, but then he always says to me "why do you never text me first, if you always want to talk?" and i was took back by this, as, in my past, the guy has always texted the girl first. So he usually changes his behaviour with texting for a week or so then gradually it goes back to normal.Im thinking about ending it :/ He says that if he doesnt text back i should text him again as he mightve forgot cuz of his uni work or being busy etc, or that i can phone him whenever I like, but, I wouldlike all the effort to be directed at me, yknow?When I spoke to him last time about this, he said "please, dont end it with me, dont end it over this, i love you so much, i go to uni all thro the week, i work tuesday and saturday evenings and I see you wednesday , friday, saturday and sunday, I give u so much of my time thro the week, what is wrong, why d ou think the texting is an issue?"what do u think?zx
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 I feel your pain.My boyfriend HATES texting. He does not believe that couples need daily contact (unless living together) and he can go days without talking to me. We do not live in the same city so without email/text/phone we don't have contact.He ignores my texts and sometimes my emails... occasionally he starts the conversations with emails or calls. He's getting better at texting.... because we talked and he KNOWS that daily contact is important to me.SO he comprimised. I get to call him when I get into bed to say goodnight... I go to bed much earlier than he does. AND he asked me to call him in the AM to wake him... as i get up much earlier than he does...I would not end a relationship where a man is kind and considerate but doensn't TEXT enough... BFD as we say... find some other way to feel connected to him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): I'm not much of a texting/phone person either. Texting is ideal in certain situations. For instance, when you're in a crowed or noisy area and you can't hear or you're trying to relay specific information quickly. It's an awful medium for showing affection or giving attention. Why?For starters, it's more difficult to show emotional nuance in a text. Emoticons can help, but they are a poor in comparison to real contact.The most insidious thing about texting is that it plays directly to people's desire for instant gratification. It's too easy to make mistake and to say the wrong things. I won't even go into how they impoverish language. Some conversations really can wait...some things are really better said in person. Trivial jokes are funnier in person. Affection is more sincere in person. God forbid that I get to the point someone has to tell me they love me via text message. I'm that opinionated about it. I think your ex has his priorities in all the right places. I think it would be to your advantage to apologize to him and accomodate him on this issue.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Totally on your BF 's side. He is busy, he works, he studies- yet he manages to be with you 4 times a week, which is quite a lot, AND to text you occasionally.
He's is surely not someone who acts uninterested or neglectful.
This urge of yours to be in constant touch does not show love , it shows immaturity,insecurity and attention seeking.
Let the poor guy attend to his busy life in peace, and see if you can find something more interesting to do than firing texts for no reason.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Did you know there was a time not too long ago when there was no texting? If you can believe it, people stayed together and even got married despite no texting. Please don't end it over texts, just stop texting. As long as he is seeing you a few days a week then you are fine. If you are lonely and need more than that, find other things to keep yourself busy!
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