A
male
age
36-40,
*attty215
writes:hi everyone, i was on a date a few days ago, and the conversation was going well untill the girl asked me when my last relationship was. im a 26 year old guy, and i was honest i said that i had never had a girlfriend before. she seemed horrified by this and asked why, and the answer is i dont know, maybe its a combination of me not being very good looking or being busy with other things such as sports and work. either way i must be doing something wrong to have not had a girlfriend at this point, im just not sure what it is.the girl i was on the date with was put off by this, but my question is if in the future when a similar question comes up with someone new, do i just tell the truth and be honest and hope she is ok with this or do i tell a few white lies and say i havent been in anything serious?thanks for your help
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 When the question comes up again, stare in to the middle distance for around 3 seconds, swallow hard, then look at her and say "I'm sorry, I'd prefer not to talk about it", count another one or two seconds and then change the subject to something completely different. Don't ham it up too much and you will have dodged the question and you'll have her on the hook because there's some mystery there, you're wounded and there is something unknown that she needs to heal. Do not on any account announce that you've never had a girlfriend before because you're a bit ugly and a loser - any girl is going to run from that.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Most people judge others very strongly on their past. For a lot of women, this includes assuming there is something wrong when a guy doesn't have any previous relationships. This generally goes away once they've gotten invested in a relationship with the guy and they like him - not always, but usally.
On the other hand, women like mystery. Just because they ask a question doesn't mean they want an answer right away.
Lastly, lying is no good. It could pay off in the sense that you could lie your way into (and out of) a few relationships, then honestly be able to say you've had girlfriends before... but that would involve hurting several people, including yourself, for a slight and unnecessary advantage. You can be better than that.
So, the answer is to smile, say "I don't kiss and tell," and continue with the conversation as if she had not asked. Let her assume what she wants. You should be teasing her fairly often that way, anyhow, so it won't stand out. If she insists, tell her you don't want to share your past, and you don't want to know hers, either. Most girls won't mind if you put it that way.
Once you've gotten to know her better, if she asks again, you can tell her. But say it with confidence and pride, not with shame or bashfulness. Don't imply there's something wrong with you or that you were too busy. Just tell her the truth - hadn't figured things out yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): i think you should definitely tell the truth. there's nothing to be ashamed of having never had a girlfriend, and the person you're dating should respect you for that and find that endearing rather than horrifying. you should never have to change who you are or lie about yourself in order to please someone. hope that helps some.
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