A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Human beings are social animals. We all like to be appriciated, loved and to be in good company. Of all relationships marriage can be most rewarding as well most punishing. When one goes through emotional turmoils, it very natural to find solace in friends. Its very natural to have male friends at place of work and at times they might be very supportive.How judicious is it to rely on male friends for emotional support?Please don't consider my statement as a biased one.World is full of both good and bad people(males as well females), the discussion or debate is whether it is advisable or not? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Henry1980  +, writes (9 June 2015):
I don't agree with the previous posters. Of course there may be emotional and sexual confusion in friendship across the sexes but there can be in any friendship. The thing I'd concentrate on is the nature of the friend- are they trustworthy? will they be honest and want to help? I'd like to think if any of my female friends were in trouble I would help them honestly- indeed I have in the past. I think when it comes to discussing issues in a marriage, IF you are happy to discuss those with friends then the gender of the friend really doesn't matter. Indeed it can be useful to have someone from the opposite gender to comment, for example if your husband is anxious about his role as a father, then talking to someone who also is a father may help you understand his perspective.The other issue is whether to discuss what's happening in your marriage with someone outside it. Again I think its all about whether you can trust that person irrespective of gender. There are some friends I have- interestingly mostly women- who I feel I could discuss those things with and who would respond to me in a way that was respectful both of my feelings and those of my partner. Others who I wouldn't discuss things with because I don't know them and don't trust them enough. There are also things I would not want to discuss because of a loyalty to my partner- but then what's more important is that if there is an issue in your marriage, you sort it out rather than let it fester and become more difficult. To be honest, rather than focus on the gender of the friends you ask for advice, I'd focus on sorting out whatever problems you want to ask their advice over!
A
female
reader, He_Na  +, writes (8 June 2015):
Personally i would not.In every marriage, we have problem. There are two different personalities. So naturally, there are bound to be clashes. Sometimes you would just ignore while someone you just can't. You have to give yourself time to get over it.As long as it is possible i would never share my personal things with whoever. You know its something that concerns you and your husband. Am very much sure you would not want your husband to be doing same at work, especially with an opposite sex.To some extent you are right. we do have good male friend. But, do you really know your male friend??? Can you actually trust them?? The world believe that women are gossipers. But male do to! Are you sure sharing whatever with your friend will remain between you guys only?? Won't you become an easy prey on some 'bad' guy??Think well before taking a step. If u wish to hav
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (8 June 2015):
You spoke to the human as a social animal, so I'll appeal to that logic specifically.
Yes, the human is a social animal. We're pack hunters, specifically.
That being said, you must understand that the instinct to multiple mates is strong in both genders. We are very much like many other higher mammals in that regard. The jealousy response, the need to hide sexual contact with a second mate, etc. is all found in the animal world.
This is exactly the reason fidelity and trust are so honored among humans. We like to think of ourselves as better than our base animal instincts.
The good news? You -CAN- be better than your base animal instincts. The bad news? It takes -WORK- as well as self awareness, and self honesty in amounts most of us do not have.
To stay true to a single life partner is against your animal instinct. To hide that truth from your primary partner is entirely in accord with that instinct. Humans have developed a way of hiding that truth from ourselves, probably as an adjunct to the instinct to hide it from our primary partners.
To stay true to your husband involves deliberate effort, planning, and work on your part. The fairytale that you won't ever want anyone else because you love him is just that - a fairytale, a myth, in short, a lie. One we tell ourselves, society tells us, our parents tell us, etc.
If you're going to rise above your base instincts, and stay true, you need to plan to do so. You can't just not plan to cheat, and hope that that means you won't, you have to put real effort in to protecting the status you value. That means shutting other men (besides) your husband out of certain amounts of emotional closeness.
It's fine to chum around with the guys at work, in a group. However, the first step towards cheating is telling your marital woes to a member of the opposite sex in a one on one setting. Don't go there. Even if you don't end up cheating with that person, you'll be normalizing the social behavior that leads to cheating later.
The effort to keep your marital vows begins with recognizing what sorts of behavior and influences might pose a threat to those vows, and avoiding them.
If keeping such vows was our basic, natural instinct, why would be bother making them? Why would we value such an arrangement so highly? If monogamy were the basic instinctual pattern of the human animal, we wouldn't need an institutionalized marriage, and we wouldn't be so cognizant of those who cheat.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2015):
 I think it depends on SO many things.
1. Your friends (male & female)
2. you.
I think as a married woman.. relying on a male coworker for attention, solace and support... it's a pretty bad idea. He is a coworker first of all. Whatever marital problems you have will /can easily get worse because the married woman all of a suddenly starts to detach from the husband and "latch" onto the male coworker.
And then you have the issue of HOW does the male coworker REALLY feel about you... And does it affect your work AND your work place with this change in a friendship. I think people should TRY and keep their domestic issues out of the work place, I feel it's pretty unprofessional to look for a "therapist" among ones co-workers.
Most of all to me it smells like DRAMA waiting to happen.
Does this married woman NOT have any female friends who are NOT co-workers? People who REALLY know her outside of work, who know her husband, marriage?
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